A very painful July

Thursday, June 28, 2012

July is gonna be so difficult. So hard to believe that last year I was standing at your birthday party wishing aloud that you would be around to celebrate your 7th birthday with us all.  And now, all I have are just memories... Memories that I can't touch, smell, hold or feel...  I can shed a million tears but  nothing will change the fact that I no longer can see your smiles or receive hugs from you.  It's as though you have never existed...  Life is a mystery.  Love is... Unexplainable. I love you.  And I love you.  Let life cycles be true ad come back to me.  For without you, love is nothing. 


Mama Joan said...

Cyn, i'll pray for The Potter to mend your broken heart and soul, and to give you the strength to walk on...

Artist Hiroshi said...

Hi Cynthia,

As we know, feeling guilty towards Jase, being lack of confidence of not being the perfect mother you hope to be, being angry with yourself and self-denying your rights to speak as a natural mother, open up new challenging opportunities to make new positive changes in your life, in Jase's life and others' lives around you today. To make new positive changes is to make positive choices.

Like everyone, our lives are made up of choices. Choice of how we want to live our lives. Choice of food, choice of an educational path. Choice of thinking on good things or bad things. Every choice we make in each new Today will define our Tomorrow's successes. Before we can make positive changes, we need to be aware of what we can't change (e.g. past) and what we can change (e.g. think positively).

When we look beyond ourselves, we will learn that we are still more fortunate than others. There are others in the much, worse situations than us. Orphans and such. You still have Jase, family, friends and a future. And, you are still young with many wonderful talents. The first three keys to successful overcoming of our griefs begin with discipline, perseverance and accountability. They are the essential drivers to propel us forward towards creating new positive changes in our lives. At the toughest point of time, we need to discipline ourselves on steering towards our goal - that is to overcome our grief. When we began to make some positive steps forward, no matter how small they are, we can get start on being perseverance towards reaching our goals. Along the way, it is good to be accountable to someone about your progress who can encourages you to stay on the path. It is possible. It begins with you. Yesterday end last night. Today is a new day to begin with.


Zoe said...

I am mum to a 4 year old and each time i read your updates, i can't begin to imagine or empathise. I know how it just feels 'right' to continue mourning and missing your little girl. I don't even know how to console you but I hope, somehow, you will focus more on your no. 1 and give him all the love you can - for he has been strong and mature during the last few years. He deserves your best too.

Press on.

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