Mother's Day 2011

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Mother's Day Gift

What gifts do I desire on this Mother's Day?
I sit and I ponder for awhile
The hand-made treasures and store-bought trinkets
Should surely bring a smile

For some these gifts would be just fine
On this, so special a day
But no, not for this mother
I see things another way

The things I want cannot be bought
My gifts must come from Above
Please Lord, my list is from the heart
And borne of a Mother's love

I want to watch her play
I want to watch her grow
I want to hear her say
"Watch me, see how far I can throw"

I want to hear her laughter
Delight in every smile
I want her "ever after"
Running free and wild

Her future calls and calls to me...
I don't even know where to start
I want all the "firsts" that are yet to be
First kiss, first love, first broken heart...

These things so ordinary
I scarcely dare to dream
I want them all Dear Lord
and so much more unseen

You gave me the gift of this child so precious
I thank You with all my heart
Every moment together I cherish
From her, I cannot bear to part

Please grant me my wish Dear Lord
Today, and all my Mother's Days to come
My only wish is for the treasure You already gave me
The treasure of my daughter, Char....



I really want to write but I am finding it hard even eating...


PET SCAN RESULTS:

More tumors, more tumors in her lungs, in her lower abdomen, in her thighs. Soft tissue diseases suck big time.

Almost all but one doctor is saying: "There's medically nothing to be done." OR, "How about bringing Charmaine to Disney?"

And the one left standing with me right now is Dr Aung.
I cannot even begin to tell you how devastated I am.

In Survival Mode for awhile...
For the last 3 days from Wed to Fri, I have been doing everything I possibly can, reading, calling, making appointments and just making sure that there are doors opened for Charmaine.

And I did. I found all the doors I could and they are now opened.

The quiet weekend has brought out the intense pain in my heart which I've been withholding and hiding firmly over the 3 weekdays, keeping my mind focused on what had to be done, instead of crying out in desperation.

But the quiet weekend... I couldnt withhold my emotions any longer... and now I find that I cant think... I am struggling and I feel weak and sick, but I cant stop and rest because I am the only person Char has... She is depending on me and me alone...

Over the weekend, we had a a few small talks about her thoughts on treatment and travelling...

She said very clearly not once, not twice but many times...

"I WANT TO GET WELL!"

While we both prefer to stay at home... home isnt the place with options anymore. I managed to find some treatment options available for home and Dr Aung has agreed to treat but it takes time for the drugs to be found, brought into Singapore.....

And I dont know how much time...


At the back of my mind the entire time, Char words keep ringing in my head:

"I WANT TO GET WELL"


Love,
Cyn mommy

15 comments:

Joanne said...

Cyn mommmy, be strong. we are with you no matter what decision you made.

Joanne said...

Cyn mommy, be strong. We will be with you no matter what decision you made.

Mama Joan said...

Cyn, Jia You!

Mama Joan said...

Tears just rolled down after i read your blog.... I cannot imagine the pain u r going thru and its not fair to just tell you to brace up and face it and march on etc.... But i just want to tell u, JIA YOU.... Perhaps you should stop chemo, ultimately it didn't work well with Char and its is definitely weakening her body and perhaps this is why the monster grew stronger instead...But i also dunno what will be the best for her so i guess i shouldn't be saying too much... But just JIA YOU!! I know God will be watching, and He will make a way for you. All i can do is to keep you n Char in my prayers and to let you know God loves you and Char and Love wil conquer everything....May the Lord's wisdom and peace be with you and His healing be upon Char. Amen

stacey said...

Hi. As I mentioned before, William Bengston PhD treated cancer patients successfully using energy medicine. There are a varieties of options out there. Just because they don't fall under the category of conventional medicine, that doesn't mean they are not useful/helpful.I personally know people who refused chemo, recovered and led a fruitful life using alternative medicine. The choice is really yours. But you've got to be open minded and not letting your limited belief tells you that only Western medicine can work miracle. Doctors are doing the best they can based on what they know, but they don't know everything because they are not trained to know anything else besides what they learned from school or the seminars they attended. No doubt there is value in Western medicine, so are others. Healing comes from within. That I can assure you based on my experience and the research I've done for years. When you continue to focus outside for answers, it's difficult to get the answer you want. Look within, let your inner guidance inspires you to take action. That can lead you to the right doctor or healer etc. Don't just focus on physical needs, you need to look into psychological issues because that is the main cause for disease. Our body will not fail us unless we fail to care for its needs. So don't give up, because Charmaine wants to get well. Take care & all the best.

Declan Isaac said...

Hi Cyn Mommy
I do not know how to further encourage you. I only know that God has a better place for Char compared to earth.

We are all spiritual beings having a physical experience. The better place is free of sufferings, sickness, worries. There is only joy and happiness.

Christo said...

A friend from work shared the link to your blog. I send you lots of love and courage Charmaine! God bless

bits-n-bites said...

Hi I have been following Charmaine's progress. Just want to say, all the best to Charmaine. Don't lose heart! As long as she is with you, you will fight the battle with her and I will always root for you. Be strong and take care!

Flaunt-it Club said...

Hi, sorry to see this post. I have emailed on this Chinese Doctor in Muar. She has treated and cured cancer patients before. Please give her a try...

Darren Chye Seng said...

May god bless your daughter...

Darren Chye Seng said...

may god bless your daughter

Celine Yeo said...

My heart goes out to you from one mother to another. Your strength is inspiring and I pray for Charmaine's wish to come true.

Ang said...

Hope this help:

http://hubpages.com/hub/Scientists_cure_cancer__but_no_one_takes_notice

http://www.dca.med.ualberta.ca/Home/index.cfm

Take Care and God Bless!

Ang said...

http://hubpages.com/hub/Scientists_cure_cancer__but_no_one_takes_notice

http://www.dca.med.ualberta.ca/Home/index.cfm

Riddin said...

waiting patiently for news on little Charmaine...
You are a wonderful mother who is doing everything she can to make her little girl well!

 
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