Waiting for PET scan

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Its Tuesday morning... We are waiting for Char PET scan and I don't know what I'm thinking.

We started chemo last Friday. I want to tell you what cycle that is but I lost count. Am I pathetic or is it me aging exponentially?

I know I have to be positive. I know I have to cast away all my negative thoughts.

But believe me, it's insane. Its beyond insanity actually. To be able to see the tumors with your naked eyes and to be able to track their growth like a medical doctor. I didn't know that a mother has to endure anything like that... Beyond anything humane.

I dont want to know the results tmr. I don't think I can come and collect the report and not suffer a heart attack or a stroke.

What am I supposed to do? I pictured them as frogs and is willing them to just die and disappear but my will power is heavily used up... Barely enough to last me another day...

We are finishing up chemo today and hopefully, we will finally go home and sleep on our beds. We have not even touched them since we landed.

I can't write any more.

But please keep those prayers coming in. Please pray that we have good scan results.

Please pray that Char pain is controlled and she can regain her ability to walk again.

Thank you all.

Love,
Cyn

4 comments:

Natasha said...

As a parent of a mildly autistic boy , I often asked myself after my son has managed to acheived something , what comes next . What will tommorrow be like , what will his future be like ? I have lots to be thankful for , because time is on my side. Although the struggle never ends , at least I can still be here to protect him and love him . I believe many others are still follwing this blog earnestly , but didnt want to say anything to give false hope or say something you didnt already know . No matter what as mommies, regardless what tommorrow brings , I guess we jsut have to charge ahead and see what god has to offer...Charmaine is constantly in our daily prayers

WaterLilies said...

Hi Jolene,

My friend and I will keep on praying.

Just to share a personal experience. I am a Buddhist and have been a vegetarian for 2 yrs. I had a breast lump many yrs ago and removed it thro operation but it grew again very soon after the op. The new lump stayed on for many yrs after that. Miraculously, it disappeared after I became a vegetarian. I have also been taking chlorella and spirulina. I am not sure why it disappeared, whether it is the prayers or fang sheng, or whether it is due to the veggie diet or green supplements. Or perhaps it is due to a combination of all factors.

I have been reading lots of Buddhist articles and have seen many many peoples' experiences of eliminating cancer cells by reciting mantras/sutras, chanting Buddha's name and/or vegetarian diet and/or fang sheng. These are real stories and are really encouraging.

Over here we will continue to dedicate the merits of fang sheng & prayers to Charmaine.

Do not give up hope and perhaps you can try these alternative methods on top of those you are currently doing at home.

If Charmaine is a Buddhist, it will be best if she can chant or think of Guanshiyin Pusa. Kids do not have as much worries than adults so they can concentrate better when chanting. The best results when chanting is when we have no other thoughts other than the Buddha/Pusa's name.

I hope this will help. Amituofo.

WaterLilies said...

Dear Jolene/Cynthia,

I wish to add that I became a vegeterian not because of my breast lump. I kinda forgot about my lump but it disappeared in recent yrs so I thought it could be due to the changes in my lifestyle/diet.

I actually became a vegetarian out of desparation. My girl was very sick and the hospital staff was preparing to move her to ICU. Out of desperation, I called out to GuanyinPusa and asked her to save my girl. I promised that as long she can be saved, I will be a good Buddhist and will became a vegetarian on my girl's behalf. Miraculously, my girl started to respond to treatment and didnt have to go to ICU. And I have been more active in Buddhist activities ever since. I also started to recite sutras and mantras after that.

I will continue to pray for Charmaine and I really hope that modern medicines coupled with prayers and faith will help you and Charmaine overcome this difficulty.

Jessie said...

It's been a week, how are things getting on? Am worried about Charmaine......

 
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