NO Spinal Cord Compression

Dear all,

Good news - No spinal cord compression hence no surgery!

Bad news - tumor on sacrum/lower back grew and is pressing against bladder...

THANK YOU for all your prayers! It's saved us from another painful risky operation.
Keep them coming in...

Love,
Cyn mommy

Emergent MRI

Char woke up this morning unable to pee again... First sign of ANOTHER possible spinal cord compression... I don't know what to say... We just had the emergent decompression surgery barely a month ago right here and we were discharged for only a couple of weeks...

I just had to hold my own baby AGAIN and tell her that she has to have another urinal catherer inserted and she might have to have another major operation... And she has to go through MORE PAIN AGAIN.

Please pray that the scan will show NO spinal cord compression and that she will not need another surgery. Just how much does Heaven think I can bear, I really have NO IDEA. I know I will walk through fire if I have to, for my own child... BUT... This is truly too much to ask of my girl... It honestly hurts so much...

I don't even know how I dragged char and myself to the Emergency...

I can barely process and I can barely function... I'm on auto pilot mode again... This feels like a nightmare... A nightmare that's never-ending...

Looking at Charmaine... I don't even know HOW she does it... Just being her... Going through all these horrific ordeals time and again... And yet, she never ever wavers in her determination to want to get well... She is fighting so hard to live... She is fighting so hard for her mom and her brother to live...

Please give my baby a break and let her live... She deserves it... She deserves the chance to live more than I do... Take my life, make me suffer... Whatever... Just PLEASE give my poor child a break and let her live happily, normally and healthily!

Tomorrow, we were so excitedly preparing to go to her School's Primary 1 Open House... Jase is performing... Now everything is ruined... All thanks to you, cancer. :-(((((

Please pray and pray and pray for char to get well...

Thank you.

Love,
Cyn mommy

My one and only princess Char turns 6 TODAY!

A Celebration of Life, Courage and Endless Love...

Happy Birthday to my one and only princess Char! Thank you for coming into my life this very day 6 years ago.

I am burned out from blogging hence I have been taking a long break away from this. I'm sorry.

Char is relatively okay. We had a wonderful birthday celebration on Sunday with the help from Sentosa Resort Worlds and 2 amazing friends of Char. Despite the pain, Char never failed to smile for everyone who turned up at her party.

The last few days have been a little more challenging because she has been experiencing more pain but my little girl doesn't complain easily and still wouldn't. I gotta read her facial expression to gauge her comfort level because she is pretty good at suffering in silence.

We are home and Jase went back to school. Char is unable to walk and on loads of morphine. In between all our insanity, we strive to have some normalcy and pretend that everything is OKAY!

I will hopefully find the strength and the patience to update more often... But I guess right now, escaping from blogging is like escaping from cancer since I don't want to face it...

PLEASE DON'T STOP PRAYING for my little princess. Argh, I'm tearing again! I honestly cannot type this darn blog without tearing! It's so tough! Forgive me when I don't update. :-(

I'm scared to hell but I continue to pretend life is normal and everything will be okay! We are just taking a longer then usual journey, walking a longer path then others but everything will be OKAY. It has to be, right?

Love,
Cyn mommy

We got HOME on Monday 20th June!

After more than a month of inpatient stay, we were finally discharged on Monday with a PCA pump delivering IV morphine 24/7 daily.

There was a couple of scares after we left KKH, with her complaining of more pain and her thigh looking more swollen again. I was immediately worried and paranoid, texted Dr Aung and she increased her steroids again, hoping to control the inflammation.

Today at 8am now, we are at Mount Elizabeth Hospital waiting for her radiation. And the swelling in her whole bod has gone down considerably. Except her right knee of course. The right knee where it all started more than one and a half years ago where she first relapsed. And we never could get it under control. :-(

Anyhow, Char is feeling extremely happy to just be home! She's smiling, laughing and giggling to herself all the times. It is such a wonderful sight to just watch her happiness. It's so infectious. Despite her pain, she still cannot hide her elation and joy.

I'm having a tough time here. Been hearing too many bad news and too many passings from our other families in NYC. Cancer sucks! NB is so disgusting and cowardly!!! How can I ever learn to forgive cancer when it has robbed so many of my friend's lives? And these are little kids who want to live! These are little kids in their single digit of age, wishing rather to be in great pains than die.

Gotta rush to KKH now for our next appt...

Will continue later...

Please continue to pray for Charmaine, and for so many other kids battling cancer. Pray for a cure for all. Pray for a lifetime of good health and happiness...

Love,
Cyn mommy

Up and down again...

Dear all,

Char's legs has gotten more swollen... Triple the original size... Low albumin level... Swollen abdomen... Been sleeping most of the days... High fever of 39 degrees daily...

She's covered with a ton of antibiotics, narcotics...

Drs think she may have some infection, cellulitis... Inflammation from tumor...

Please pray for char to over come this against all odds... And get well again...

I'm scared, worried and helpless... Fighting against my own vulnerability and weakness to hang on, to think as calmly as possible and to not fall...

Love,
Cyn mommy