We are back and Char did great. :-)

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Thank you all for the prayers!

We spent 9 hours in the hospital as the whole treatment ran for about 6.5 hours.
Charmaine was heavily pre-medicated and was drowsy when the infusion started.
She wanted me to jump into the bed and lay beside her. A couple of minutes after I jumped onto the bed, she fell asleep. It was very comforting watching her sleep and not suffering from whatever I had been cautioned of. Thank god. Thank you all.

Jase fell asleep soon after as well. After an hour, we all woke up. Auntie Iris arrived just in time to see Charmaine speaking and eating. :-) She even joked, "Now that she is talking so loudly, we know she is definitely back to normal!" Indeed, once the pre med wore off, she was up and bouncing again!

Its been awhile (almost a month) since we returned to the hospital for such a prolong period of treatment. Despite the long hours, Charmaine kept her spirits up high and watched the cartoons on TV and played with her brother Jase! My dear Jase has also outgrown his initial shyness and is able to make himself comfortable by going to the playroom to play by himself. He has also grown to be more sociable and would approach the nurses whenever Charmaine's machine alarm beeped!

We had a smooth day for sure and I am very thankful and grateful that everything has gone so well. Charmaine and Jase is now playing in the room doctor and nurse (Preparing to inject Charlene jie jie and Godma Jolene! Haha. Cheeky Charmaine has once again learned the names of her new medication and the doctors' names and is able to mention all the names fluently while role-playing!) and nobody will guess that she just had a 6.5hrs treatment barely a couple hours ago!

As happy and relieved as I am now, its still not time to let my guard down yet. :-( Still gotta watch out for that dreadful fever! Nonetheless, I will definitely sleep better tonight with my mind at ease.

Just wanted to let everyone know the updates so that I don't keep you people worrying for long.

The next round of chemo is on 15th and 16th of Dec. For now, I am going into my 'escapist' reality and will not think too much about Round 2 until than.

Oh, the other shock I got today is her HAMA results for last week.
I had presumed that the HAMA numbers will go down as the weeks go by. Imagine the shock and despair I felt when I heard that Charmaine's HAMA has in fact gone up from positive to super positive! She was initially at the 6000 range and last week's result showed that she has gone up to the 8000 range! :-(

How much more abnormal is my normalcy!
Aren't we all brought up to think that a strong immunity is good? How can my definition always be different from the normal standard definition? I used to dream of being different from the norm when I was younger. In fact, I am different. I married younger than all my friends. I see the hardships in life as challenges rather than obstacles. I even believe that my divorce is not a bad thing after all! My divorce has showed me the most important thing in life - friendship. I used to joke with my friends that losing one husband and getting so many worthy friends in return is more than what I had bargained for! :-)

The topic of friendship is one that I can write entire novel on! I shall leave it to another day to talk about that. But needless for me to say, everyone should already know by now that I owe my daughter's life to some of the greatest friends ever!

Back to topic of the whole NORMAL definition. I was gonna say be careful what you wish for. I am sure I had wished for an unique life at some point in my ancient life. Although I could never ever imagine this is HOW UNIQUE my life is going to turn out! (Gosh, and I am barely at the midpoint of my average asian woman life expectancy! I do not even dare to look beyond a week in my life now!) Of course, I was always gonna whine that its probably about time some normalcy return to my life, isn't it? But than, I realise its my wishful thinking again. I remembered blogging that NORMAL doesn't exist in my life anymore. Just what am I expecting and what is there for me to sob about? I just have to remember that the guidebook to the norms of living doesn't apply in my life anymore! So yes, strong immunity is not necessarily a good thing in my life.

I just have to live with the fact that I am always going to be a standard deviation. And with this faith and belief, I hope that my little princess is going to be the very standard deviation defining the most magical ab-normalcy in my life. Defying all odds and kicking this monster out of our lives forever and ever!!!

This year's Christmas holds a great deal of significance for me. Traditionally, Christmas and Chinese New Year have always been my 2 favourite festive seasons of the year. I like the romantic festive lights and mood during Christmas which also usually marks the end of the year for me and adore the noisy bustling start to the new year with Chinese New Year.

Christmas is just around the corner. It means that another year is coming to an end. What a year 2009 has been for me and my family. They say the one's life is enriched with the experiences we go through. This entire year of experiences is something that I will definitely carry with me to my resting ground. The pain, the tears, the despair, the helplessness, the shock, the agony and the scars have been doubled and tripled and zillion-fied in the entire year for me. I cannot even begin to look back and reflect on what has transpired. Even up till this moment, everything is still so unreal to me. My past year has gone by in a flash (as fast as the flash light in a camera!). I believe subconsciously my mind has decided to block out some of the most painful experiences to help me cope better (Just like what had happened 4 years ago).

But while I am here in NYC, staring at the warm orange lights hanging on all the Christmas Trees in the house, all I feel is love. I feel very blessed and I feel that the world is still the beautiful place I've always believed in. The warm fuzzy feeling has not changed a single bit, if anything, it has grown even warmer and lovelier. I remember how strangers, by the thousands, have pooled all their resources together to help me in saving my little girl, a child they have never met. I remember meeting the Dream Team footballers for the first time in my life and watching the match they played to raise funds for my little girl. I remembered the DJs, the journalists, the neighbours, the school teachers, the new friends, the nurses, the doctors, the constituency members, the SIA stewardess/stewards, pilots, the ground crew, the Nickelodeon friends, the relatives, the ex-colleagues, the internet world of friends, the Nuffnang friends, the international supporters and many many more I have not had a chance to thank in person...

I have already received my biggest and most invaluable Christmas Present from you...
Each and everyone of you have showed me the compassionate side to humanity. Your selfless heart has given me my most important miracle, a chance for my little girl to live and be happy. And life is priceless.

I have also received the most sought after gift in life - friendship. My dear friends, YOU have once again appeared in my life at the most crucial moment. And YOU are the very reason why I am still able to smile today. Jolene, Josse, Charlene, Alexis, THANK YOU. What I have received from you, I will never ever be able to repay. If anyone needs a definition of friendship, look towards my friends. We hardly meet during good times but they always appear during bad times and keep me afloat, never even once giving up on me. Some people think I am strong but the truth is I am the dwarf standing on giants' shoulders. These 4 ladies are the stronghold in my life. They each bring along with them a strength of their own and gave it all to me, never allowing me to quit. I have been betrayed by friendship before and knows how much it hurts but once again, I am compensated by way much more than what I had lost! Having you all in my life is a godsend blessing and I cannot imagine how my life would be without anyone of you. Thank you ladies. Jol and Char, I am so looking forward to seeing you both again! Miss you all so much!

Have I digressed too far out of point? Pardon me!

Am gonna end it now so I can get the kids ready for bed.

Sending some of Jase and Char endless engery and silly laughters your way!

With good health,
Cyn mommy


Pris said...

There is always a silver lining behind each dark cloud, cliched though that may sound. Our good Father has promised us that He will give us back over and above what we have lost. And that is a promise which you are living :)

Mama Joan said...

So relieved to hear that Char is doing great! And the part about friendship made me feel so warmed. A friend in need is a friend indeed! Friends are like angels, they will appear when you needed them most. Its not easy to get friends like this. Some people searched for a lifetime but found none and you are blessed with many of them. 真情诚可贵,友情价更高

I agree with Pris totally: God will give us back over and above what we have lost. Amen!

dirty little secrets said...

God Bless Charmaine,
I'm a BB(Boys' Brigade Boy) have shared this story with my group of boys.
We will keep you & Charmaine in prayer.


dirty little secrets said...

God Bless Charmaine,
I'm a BB(Boys' Brigade Boy) have shared this story with my group of boys.
We will keep you & Charmaine in prayer.


Y.S said...

glad to hear more good news coming down your way :-)
Enjoy the time with your children and your friends, wish you a beautiful Christmas!

JulietJas said...

Praying for all of you. Big hugs =)

Feng said...

Keep believing, Cynthia & Charmaine!

- Friz

deedee said...

Char 加油! Cyn mummy 加油! All of you will do great! Have faith!!

Ms. Potatoe said...

Indeed.. my mind too, blocks out the most painful memories. But life is too short to remember them :)

Enjoy the love around (not just Xmas) but especially more during this time in NY!!

See you soon. xoxo

Mama Joan said...

Li' Charmaine, u r going for your 2nd treatment today. Don't be afraid, for God will be with you all the way! Jia You!!

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