Charmaine has relapsed.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Words cannot express what I am going through right now.

We were packing getting ready to leave on 30th Jan, the day our VISA expires.

Now I have to decide my next move in the next 24 hours.

Just HOW MUCH MORE TOUGHER can life get? Just HOW MUCH MORE DO I HAVE TO SUFFER?
WHEN WHEN WHEN will anything ever be normal in my life again? All I am asking for is NORMAL! Is it too much for me to ask for?

I just want to go to work like everyone else. I just want to fret about the stressful life in Singapore. I just want to stress over my kids' education and I just want to complain that money is never enough. BUT WHY WHY is it so difficult? WHY CANT I be like any other 30 year old woman, worrying about my wrinkles and cellulite? WHY CANT I just grow old and worry about the normal stuff? WHY?

Are 'YOU' intent and determined to make every february the worst month in my LIFE? I was going to spend CNY like any other family rejoicing about the beauty of life? WHY THIS? WHY?

WHY DO I HAVE to have such a tough life? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE MY INNOCENT GIRL SUFFER like this?!?!?!?!?!?! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT. NONE AT ALL, YOU SICK MONSTER. I HATE YOU SO MUCH. WHY CANT YOU JUST GET OUT of our LIVES FOREVER?!?!?!?!?!?!

GET OUT. STAY AWAY!

I WILL NOT GIVE UP! NEVER! Dont you ever dare to sneak up on us like this ever again! DO YOU HEAR ME? JUST STAY AWAY. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Cyn

13 comments:

Mama Joan said...

cyn, brace up n fight on.... You have posted in this blog ' the most important thing in illness is never to lose heart', no matter how tough it may be. you are not facing it alone with char n jase but with all of us who supported you and many more are to come and help... I can understand the fear and pain u r facing as a mother, but pls hang in there and i know you will, both of u are warriors, no matter how tough life is or how sick this illness is, you will fight on becos of the four-letter word: LOVE. The love between u n char n jase is something that will help u guys to overcome all hurdles in life. Hang on to that faith and God will intervene, it is tough and disappointing now, but once you crossed this hurdle and i know you all will, u look back n u will see a better tomorrow becos nothing will ever get you down again.

totoro said...

Let us know how we can help.

Hugs.

Pris said...

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry to hear this. Don't lose faith in Him.

Patrick said...

Dear Cynthia

You've attempted the fight and faced the battle. Remember that God did not make Man to perish.

You can still call me when you've decided that Charmaine has a chance back home here in Singapore.

Patrick

2am said...

Don't lose faith. Think what you need to do next, and what help you need, broadcast it out. Charmine is not facing the monster on her own, she has you, a brave mother to stand by her all the way. God Bless you all...

totoro said...

checking on you again before i go to bed...wishing all turn out well when wake up...

my heart feel so heavy the entire day....

Be brave...

kangta164 said...

I'm so sorry to hear such news. I hope Charmaine will continue to be strong just like her mummy is. Although everything seems so dark right now, as cliche as this may sound but try look on the bright side of the situation to get through this. Sending my love, thoughts and prayers to you from Michigan. You are a strong woman and Charmaine will grow up to be one like you.

JulietJas said...

I pray for that God's strength will be your strength. I pray for God's wisdom to be your wisdom. I pray that HIS grace will be more than enough to see you through all things.
Yes, sickness leave in Jesus mighty name!
Praying for you,Char & Jase.

Michel said...

if you believe in him, he'll never let you down.
He is always beside char, fighting the horrible monster with her...u will too, battle with our Singapore Fiesty Princess alongside. I will pray too...for the monster to vanish.. FOREVER!
Fight on!

Michel said...

we are all still very much behind you.....fight on!

Elena said...

i'm so sorry.. i cried when i read this. please know that i'm praying for you and Charmaine and Jase and all.

J.H said...

I am sorry to hear the news cyntia. I must salute you for never giving up till now. This morning I read in my bible that the God never try to keep away the problem, but he will help us walking through those problem. I am sure that what you are facing is much bigger than any problem I ever faced, I don't even know what to do if I were you.
However, I find the website of this young man greatly encourage me : http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/erikludwinski

desmond said...

It is expected....the survival rate for charmaine's type of cancer is not high. Hope you get a miracle though.

 
Feisty Princess Charmaine. Design by Pocket