Sept 20th 2010 - A special day!

YES, guess what! Charmaine is going to school tomorrow!

~~~SCHOOL IS STARTING~~~
And SHE IS SO DARN EXCITED! Its been her wish to go to school like her brother, Jase and she is SOOOOOO looking forward to her first day! (Although she doesnt realise that she will not get to go to school on Tuesday because we have her knee biopsy... decided not to ruin her fun for now.)

But yeah, lets focus on the good and positive! Finally, Charmaine is going to school and I am one very paranoid mother, excited but yet so anxious and worried, all in a good way. Hmm, I dont even recall myself being so worried when I first send them to school years back! Lets keep our fingers crossed and pray that everything will go smoothly for Jase and Charmaine tmr! Going to school in NYC is so different and I am starting to appreciate Singapore school system even more, despite the stress and all!

~~~Liver is normal~~~
The other good news that I have to share is that her liver MRI turned out to be nothing but a good scare. Hence, the conclusion is the one site that is still having disease is her right femur. I will take that, although I had desperately wished that this was not the case but yes, I will take that because the alternative could have been worse. Continuing to look on the positive!

~~~Charmaine is walking and dancing again~~~
Yes, you heard me right. From a week ago of totally not being able to move, she started walking on Thursday and was even dancing to a show last night! This is my life, this IS OUR LIFE. :-) Justing having a charmaine with no pain and being able to walk is a gift. A BIG GIFT. A gift sometimes I take it for granted, and forget that walking is not a given, but a huge blessing. Looking at their backs, watching them walk down the streets, holding their hands, giggling and talking is something that can be taken away from me anytime... Hence, I am thankful, so grateful that I get to watch them do just that again! Its been a roller coaster week for me, with so many scares, so many twists and its not about to end yet.

~~~Knee Biopsy on Tuesday~~~
On Wednesday when I suddenly found out that Charmaine was scheduled a knee biopsy on last Friday, I was shocked. Partially because of the way things worked here; because I wasnt informed of it until I tracked down one of the Nurse Practioner, it really felt that information was not passed on efficiently. Especially, when I needed to arrange for Jase to be taken care of should Charmaine get admitted. And of course, I was also very worried and concerned abt the recovery from the knee biopsy. Nonetheless, when we met the Orthopedic Surgeon (finally!) on Thursday, she said we couldnt proceed with her biopsy on Friday as she was on antibiotics which would have made her results inaccurate. Great, now I know the different teams dont exactly communicate amongst themselves. Not a big issue this time but argh! Hence we are postponed to Tuesday instead and she got her last dose of antibiotics on last Friday. And from Saturday till her biopsy on Tuesday, should she spike a fever or her pain gets worse, than we will rush to Urgent Care and she will have an emergent biopsy.

~~~Worrisome Tuesday~~~
The vague picture that would happen on Tuesday is that she will have a knee biopsy sometime in the morning and the biopsy results will be out in an hour or so. If she indeed has a knee infection, than they will push her into Operating Theatre and have a surgery on her knee to clean up the infection on the day itself. What time, how long, or whatever else in terms of recovery and all, we have NO IDEA. I am just like this soldier on stand by, waiting to be activated anytime, with no clue. All I know is that it will be an admission for sure. So I have Iris and Stephanie on a stand-by with no back-up plans and no schedule... because I have nothing to work with! Everything will HOPEFULLY WORK OUT on the day itself. And the BEST PART is I have no telephone reception in the hospital! Hmm, communicating and co-ordinating everything with no phone reception, its going to be interesting huh! And with Jase attending school, life just gets more and more interesting. (I have to figure out how to shutter bet hospital and school when I have each kid at each location and I am only one person. But yeah, I will figure it out... no point thinking right now right?

To simplify everything, PLEASE PRAY THAT CHARMAINE HAS NO INFECTION IN HER KNEE and that we can start treatment for her cancer asap! Dear God, if you hear me, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET THE BIOPSY PROCEED SMOOTHLY AND SAFELY and THAT THERE IS NO INFECTION AT ALL so Chamrmaine doesnt have to endure more pain and suffering than she already has. PLEASE, Charmaine really treasures her ability to walk, she is so happy the last 2 days, regaining back her independence and capability to dance happily. I really hate to see her in pain and unable to walk...

THANK YOU EVERYONE, I really appreciate if you could say a little extra prayer for us. THANK YOU.

~~~A mother who cannot decide whether to be excited or worried~~~
I have a really exciting Monday that I should be happy about but I also have a really stressful and worrisome Tuesday not far in sight... Just how much more extreme can things get... Focus, I keep telling myself. So for now, I am trying to focus on being excited and stressing about all the paperwork for school tmr. I will leave the fear, stress and anxiety of the biopsy till tmr, after school.

I think saying one day at a time is actually too much to ask for. I can only take it one step at a time.

Need to sleep early because I am a mom with school-going kids tonight! No cancer B.S. but just a normal paranoid mommy worrying about my own kiddos having separation anxiety tmr!

Goodnight to everyone in US and Good Morning to everyone in Singapore!
May everyone remain happy and healthy!

Love,
Cyn mommy