Discharge!

Monday, February 28, 2011

We were discharged on Sunday afternoon after waiting forever for our medications and fentanyl patches!

Anyhow, Char is doing generally ok, except for the nausea, vomiting, diarrehea and fatigue.

I have been seriously squeezing every cells in my brain trying to rationalize this ---

"I AM POURING ALL THESE POISON INTO MY BABY'S BODY, KILLING ALL HER HEALTHY CELLS AND YET THE CANCER CELLS SURVIVE?!?! HOW IS IT EVEN RATIONALLY POSSIBLE?!?!?!?!"

I wish that someone can just turn themself into a teeny tiny person and just travel into her body to switch off a button and just kill all the cancer cells!!!

As you can see, I am highly strung!

I feel like an atomic bomb waiting to explode any minute.

I want to cry my heart out and make all these go away...

Pls just let this nightmare go away... I want to wake up and hear the wonderful news that my baby girl is NED again!!!

Scanxiety. Stress. Fear. Anger. Frustrations. Desperation.

I need to dig much deeper into my soul this week and it's still not helping!!!

I can't find my happiness, my smiles, my laughters, my joy, my contentment and I can feel my vomiting reflux is coming back again.

Well, at least I tell myself now I am in it together with Char, puking our way to some fun, maybe?!?!?

Dear Buddha, hear my pleads and my cries, please have mercy on my dearest Charmaine. PLEASE heal Charmaine so that she can return to her normal life of growing up happily like everyone else. I believe in you and I believe in miracles.

Love,
cyn mommy
Posted by Cyn mommy at 9:29 PM

5 comments:

2amYH said...

Glad that charmine is.discharge!! To be frank, i have lately reduce the visit to the blog update. Not becos I am not concern on charmine anymore but maybe I think I got numb reading charmine on her espiode of being sick due to all these treatments. It is definitely not a pleasure reading her suffering, I do not want to read it like a past time story, coz it is real. I feel guilty and sorry writing that, i am sorry... U r a great mother and so is ur jase and charmine. I think most kids are not as mature and understanding as to your children at their age and same to you, I think most mother will hold you up with respect. Have faith, I will say a prayer for u tonight and hope that tomorrow is a better day for all.

March 1, 2011 at 12:21 AM
Soh Hong Wei said...

Jia you, jia you!!

March 1, 2011 at 11:03 AM
Unknown said...

Dear Mommy Cyn,

My heart goes out to you.. I pray and hope that Char will be healed soon.. I guess that you may be buddhist.. I've included a site here for prayer to St Jude.. I've personally experienced my very prayers been answered. Do try it out.. You don't hv to be a cristian to pray this prayer.. here's the URL.. worth giving it a try.. All the best and God Bless you with courage and strength thru this difficult times and amy od heal baby Char..

http://www.stjudenovena.org/prayingthenovena.html

Regards,

Karen S

March 2, 2011 at 2:44 PM
Angel said...

null comment doesn't mean we are not listening.
But an encouragement said with hope is like a lighting star in the gloomy sky.

And i think what makes us stronger end of the day is that we have persevered. ANd by not quitting, we have learnt to appreciate the simplest things in life.
LIke smelling the flowers, feeling the raindrops, chasing the wind.
Therefore I hope u can be the strongest MUM (not in the whole world) but in the little eyes of ur 2 precious-es.
Lastly a life full of fighting spirit is sometimes worth more than anything. Rem to catch those happy moments even in the face of sadness.

March 4, 2011 at 4:01 PM
rad said...

Please hang in there. there are many others reading this blog, supporting you, listening to you and praying for Charmaine.

March 6, 2011 at 1:02 AM

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