Completed Chemo on Friday and home now

Hi all,

After 8 days inpatient, we were finally discharged from KKH yesterday. No more fevers and chemo #5 completed finally.

Jase felt ill a day after Charmaine's fever started and thankfully, Charlene and Guowen volunteered to help me look after Jase overnight for me immediately upon hearing how concerned I was for not being able to be home for Jase. Especially when kids' fever always seem to prefer to creep up to ridiculously high degrees overnight...

Anyway, thanks to their care, Jase recovered very quickly within 2 days! Charmaine's fever also subsided but they found Rotavirus in Charmaine's stool. No medication for that since its viral but Charmaine is doing well considering all that diarrhea.

And now its my turn for my engine to stall, fell ill myself too. Nothing serious, just needed some sleep and rest to ride it out.

Its been quite a week in Ward 76... Hearing the tests and scans results of other families... Kids we have grown attached to... Families thats almost like our own... Its tough. My heart feels so heavy... Everything is so surreal and anytime, anyone of us families could be in that situation... Not responding well, new spots... such simple words that most primary school kids would understand and be able to spell... but yet, they mean an entirely different connotation to us. Meanings that will not make any sense to non oncology families... Sigh... those new terms and vocabulary we learn...

I want to write a thankful entry. I want to sing praises of all the good things that happened - Charmaine's fever subsided and Jase has also recovered from his, we are discharged safely... I kept reminding myself to only write the positive and think the wonderful... I said "DO NOT GIVE UP" to the mommy.

But despite all that I said to myself, I am affected. I am upset. I am disappointed. I am sad.

I cannot shake off the evil thoughts. I cannot focus. Oh God, its so tough...

Thankfully, its only me. Both Jase and Charmaine are happy doing their daily chores and messing up the room continously.

My jumbled thoughts and very incoherent sentences here... Please pardon me.

And the normal stress, Primary One registration coming closer.

And the not so normal stress, how to plan anything when nothing is concrete. I dont even know when is our next chemo...

I dont know when we are heading back to NYC but I hope it will be after Jase's registration. I dont know what are our next treatment options and plans... I dont know how long or what kind of schedule is Charmaine's treatment going to be like in NYC, so I dont know what to do with Jase's schooling...

I will not think now... cant think... cough is irritating my throat and mind is clouded by evil thoughts...

I have to get well soon. I have to make sure that I clear the clouds in my mind and I have to make those decisions at some point and I have to stay positive...

So so so sorry for this very horrible entry. I just wanted to inform everyone that Charmaine has already been discharged and we are well, so as not to make everyone worry. Oh, and also apologies for not updating last week because somehow, my phone doesnt work when I was trying to update the blog (AGAIN). So I had to trouble Charlene to drop a quick update despite her busy work.

And in case you dont hear from me the next week, please know that we are OKAY.

I just cannot stay unaffected knowing what other warrior families are going through...
Please say a little prayer for all the warriors having treatments, battling their own war, young and old... Dear God, please grant us a miracle so that there is NO cancer in this earthly world.

Thank you all and goodnight...

Love,
Cyn mommy