SCANXIETY today, again.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I'm sorry I have not been updating but we are still in the hospital...

We were actually discharged on Thursdays afternoon only to reach home and find that Char had spiked another fever soon after. Needless to say, we rushed back to Children's Emergency and Thursday night was a nightmare literally. Her temperature ran up to almost 42 degrees and she was trembling, shivering non stop. I freaked out totally, was scared stiff. I was so helpless and I really thought I was going to lose... It was the most horrific night ever since her diagnosis. Thank God for a wonderful experienced nurse here. Auntie Lek was the one who sailed through the night with me. I trusted her when she told me that we couldn't do much except to help Char ride it through... Until her temp settles...

Anyway, it's almost 2 weeks now, excluding the few hours that we were 'discharged'... Char is definitely feeling better but her bone marrow is still asleep apparently - she still has no immunity and low counts... Had 5 transfusions in barely a week and her platelets are still not holding up! We also had a reaction from one of our platelets transfusion last week. Hives all over. All in all, I'm just so glad last week is over!

Her platelets is dropping at such a fast rate even after transfusions that I'm so scared... I've heard too many stories of having too much chemo poison to such an extent that the body doesn't really recover from it and can no longer make their own platelets... It's just so so so horrible. It's not like our babies don't already have a difficult battle and yet things just keeps getting tougher.

I'm drained, burned out and plain exhausted. Not to mention the fear and paranoia always hanging at the back of my mind. We are in an isolation ward and we don't get to see Jase often enough... That makes all these more painful than it already is.

I have almost nothing to divert my mind from cancer. Char is suffering from separation anxiety and wouldn't allow me out of sight unless to a quick toilet break. Coping in this bed with curtains drawn, most of the times not even aware if it was day or night or the heavy thurderstorm pouring outside. We are living in our little cacoon and I think it's driving me nuts.

My only indulgence is reading. I am now so good that I usually can finish a 600 pages novel in less than 2days. I find relief living amongst vampires, monsters, half bloods,


Mama Joan said...

Dear Lord, pls grant charmaine a fast recovery so that she can be home soon with her family. During this period of time where she will be separated from her brother, Lord, i pray You shower extra sense of security and love on her and also cynthia. Pls bless that this difficult time will be over sooner than what the experts expect. Father, pls continue to heal Charmaine and bring her to the road of recovery. No more suffering, medication and chemos, but only a normal life. You are the greatest physician who have shown so many wonderful healing works on countless lives all over the world by Thy power, so pls heal all the lil children who are sick now. Pls save our next generation, the generation that will continue to bring forth Your holy word to the rest of the world. In Jesus Name, Amen

Dee.. said...

just keep writing to us. unwind to us. We are listening to you.
Hugs to you, even though we know u have no energy to hug us back after fighting for so long.

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