My heart hurts...

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Honey,

Today, mommy has decided to stop IV chemo for you. Mommy is hurting and mommy is so scared... But my heart is telling me it's time to stop... I don't wish to poison you anymore... I simply can't bring myself to kill whatever little healthy cells you have left...

Your eyes are so full of life. Anyone who sees you can see the sparkles and see the love in them. You are still so happy, so lively and so full of dreams... No one can even tell that you are in so much pain, unable to turn, unable to sit, unable to move. That's how amazing and inspiring you are, my little princess.

Two and a half years... I've been poisoning you non stop, in the hope of saving you...
Today, I finally have the courage to say "Let's stop".

You won't give up, right? Neither will I. Stopping chemo doesn't mean that we are giving up.

It simply means that we are believing that what medical science can't fix, our minds and faith can.

Let's ask for all the uncles and aunties out there to help us spread the word, pray for your healing and recovery. Mommy will continue to find other treatments to help you and enjoy every single minute together with you...

I love you baby. I am so blessed to have you as my baby. I love you so so so much. Big hug and a big kiss.

Love,
Your Mommy.

PS: If you pray, please pray for Char... To be the miraculous healing we have all been praying for.

17 comments:

h8ppybb said...

Keep up the faith. Take care !!

h8ppybb said...

Keep up the faith !! Take care !

Soh Hong Wei said...

Dont give up Charmaine!
And Cynthia, be strong!!

:D said...

Will be praying alongside with you..

May this song bring some comfort to your heart. Do spare just 5 mins listening to this :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOOFAaUGfRE&feature=BFa&list=PLA229525ED869427B&lf=mh_lolz

Take care Cyn Mom, Char and Jase <3
Jesus Loves You!

kittymin said...

I believe that you have thought through hard and deep before you made this painful decision. A pat on the back for fighting this long long battle. I'm so proud of you and char. Continue to press on and fight mummy!!!! =)

You are the best mummy to char and always believe so!

stacey said...

Today, I can tell you disease is simply life goes the wrong way. But we can all reverse our direction, make a U turn by doing what we don't use to do. We can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results. It's easier to blame cancer or the body for what goes wrong, but disease is just a messenger reflecting the life we have. That is why it is so difficult to tell others that cancer is not the enemy,but a teacher. When you make decisions based on the voices from your heart, you will find a sense of peace regardless of an outcome. Sometimes, others can be our angels too. Each of us is a unique strand in the intricate web of life. Take care and God bless.

AngieMattRaph said...

Hi,

I hv been reading and following ur baby gal's treatment progress.

Juz to let you know that i will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Hv faith & be strong...

AngieMattRaph said...

Hi,

I hv been reading and following your princess' treatments & progress.

Just to let you know that you & your family will be in my prayers.

Hv faith & Be strong.

Hugs.

JmlTx said...

Hello, sending my prayers and love for Charmaine. I have read this blog for a long time now - and although I live a whole ocean away, no one has touched my life as you and your daughter have. She is my inspiration. She shows so much strength, wisdom, happiness. I pray for many good days, and I pray for a miracle. Do not give up. Stay strong, you're the mother of a true princess. Lots of love.

Mama Joan said...

Yes we wil pray even harder, fight back even harder when satan try so hard to pin us down! Jia you!! I promise i wil pray very hard for u becos my heart hurts too...

Dee.. said...

don't say that. you didn't have a choice but to give chemo a try. in stopping chemo, I'm behind you.
I'll pray for Charmaine.

Cheryl said...

Dear Cyn mommy, my heart break with yours that medical science can't do more for Charmaine; but my heart prays with yours, for our Lord & Saviour to heal, renew & restore Charmaine to health. I pray with all my heart for that wonderful miracle to come to pass. You r a wondeful, loving, courageous mommy & your daughter has inherited that from u. That is one of your greatest gifts to her yet :)

stephanie said...

cynthia mummy, this post really tug at my heartstrings. jiayou cynthia mummy, both you and charmaine will pull through. *praying for you*

.:: JoyousJoy::. said...

Hi Cyn,

It takes lots of strength & courage for u to make this decision & to had lasted this long. Many facing d same situation as u might had alrdy suffered a mental, emotional breakdown long ago. If not for the love towards Charmaine.

My mum had been diagnosed with Stage 3 ovarian cancer, went thru 1 round of 6 cycle chemo, and was subsequently told that d cancer did NOT respond to d chemo, and tt they do not suggest further chemo. In short, she'll continue to detoriate n now officially a death sentence.

It's cruel, people around us have been suggesting alternative therapy. But is it really for the best for her? It could buy us a glimpse of hope, prolong her life in hope of a cure. Or is it false hope or prolonging her pain?

I'm thankful that at least now she doesn't have any pain, although afflicted by paraneoplastic syndromes, and is weakened significantly in strength, balance physically.

I'm thankful that for now, even though I have to take care of her full-time, I can be around her.

Cyn mommy, what I want to encourage you is, now that Charmaine would soon be taken off chemo, she can be free as a 6 yr old.

We don't know what the future holds for our loved ones, but for sure, we can make best of the time we have now. That's why, it's the "present".

We can take each day in despair, but we can also take each day thanking God that we have one more day to spend with our loved one. Why not choose the latter. Should they go, we know it's d end of their suffering, and d beginning of their eternity restored to their pink of health.

3 things will last forever, faith, hope and love. And the greatest of all is love.

Flaunt-it Club said...

I have a daughter too... western med does not work, try TCM. I have recommended the doctor from Muar to you in the previous post. please try. I will pray for Char too... be strong!

kkf said...

your girl is truely amazing! she is the bravest girl I ever seen. A willing mind will fight against all odds. She will be able to get well and be in primary school next year! All the best to her!

Ms. Potatoe said...

So touched :'( Keep fighting! xx

 
Feisty Princess Charmaine. Design by Pocket