We are getting there soon! Positive thinking!

Thank you all for the congrats but actually, we are not there yet.

I allowed myself to jump for joy for an hour yesterday but quickly calmed myself down. Its hard for to me to explain here which is why I decided not to update all with our latest news.

We do have a small piece of good news as in the spot on her sacrum seemed to have resolved. When I first heard the news from the doctor (who is not Dr Aung as she is on leave), I cried tears of happiness even though its just one spot that has so called 'clear'. The bigger spot on her right thigh is still there as I have mentioned previously...

I was so happy that I called Jolene and Charlene immediately BUT while on my way to meet Jolene in the taxi, I recalled our last scan result in March. Similarly, Dr Aung viewed the 'no change' as good news, whereas I was disappointed but reminded myself its nonetheless still a piece of good news compared to progression. So I learned to count my blessings and told myself to continue...

Little did I know, my world was rocked so violently barely a day later when MSKCC was informed of Charmaine's no change results and they immediately proposed to switch her chemo to ICE (for those who dont know, its a VERY VERY VERY HARSH chemo). I was shocked and devastated. I questioned and I cried. I just lost it there.

Hence this time around, I'm holding my horses. I'm happy of course but yet the mind is not entirely at peace. I simply dont know HOW New York is going to view this result, bearing in mind that the spot in her right thigh is still there. And New York takes a much more aggressive attitude towards treatment.

And of course, not forgetting the fact that the iodine (dye/contrast) used in Singapore is not the best quality one as compared to NY. I posed the question to the doctor after crying out in happiness: "Could the fact that we dont see the spot on her sacrum be due to the fact that the contrast used here is not of equivalent quality and hence the spot couldnt be detected?" SHE REPLIED: "YES, THERE IS A POSSIBILITY!"

Oh God...

As you can see, there are still alot of open ended questions here... So please allow me some time to finalise where we stand now and I promise to get back with some answers and hopefully, reasons for celebrations!

In the meantime, like what Jolene said, I am going to continue to rejoice in the simple things in life for the next few days until we start chemo next week.

I hope this finds you in happiness and contentment.

Love,
Cyn mommy