We are getting there soon! Positive thinking!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Thank you all for the congrats but actually, we are not there yet.

I allowed myself to jump for joy for an hour yesterday but quickly calmed myself down. Its hard for to me to explain here which is why I decided not to update all with our latest news.

We do have a small piece of good news as in the spot on her sacrum seemed to have resolved. When I first heard the news from the doctor (who is not Dr Aung as she is on leave), I cried tears of happiness even though its just one spot that has so called 'clear'. The bigger spot on her right thigh is still there as I have mentioned previously...

I was so happy that I called Jolene and Charlene immediately BUT while on my way to meet Jolene in the taxi, I recalled our last scan result in March. Similarly, Dr Aung viewed the 'no change' as good news, whereas I was disappointed but reminded myself its nonetheless still a piece of good news compared to progression. So I learned to count my blessings and told myself to continue...

Little did I know, my world was rocked so violently barely a day later when MSKCC was informed of Charmaine's no change results and they immediately proposed to switch her chemo to ICE (for those who dont know, its a VERY VERY VERY HARSH chemo). I was shocked and devastated. I questioned and I cried. I just lost it there.

Hence this time around, I'm holding my horses. I'm happy of course but yet the mind is not entirely at peace. I simply dont know HOW New York is going to view this result, bearing in mind that the spot in her right thigh is still there. And New York takes a much more aggressive attitude towards treatment.

And of course, not forgetting the fact that the iodine (dye/contrast) used in Singapore is not the best quality one as compared to NY. I posed the question to the doctor after crying out in happiness: "Could the fact that we dont see the spot on her sacrum be due to the fact that the contrast used here is not of equivalent quality and hence the spot couldnt be detected?" SHE REPLIED: "YES, THERE IS A POSSIBILITY!"

Oh God...

As you can see, there are still alot of open ended questions here... So please allow me some time to finalise where we stand now and I promise to get back with some answers and hopefully, reasons for celebrations!

In the meantime, like what Jolene said, I am going to continue to rejoice in the simple things in life for the next few days until we start chemo next week.

I hope this finds you in happiness and contentment.

Love,
Cyn mommy

9 comments:

Mama Joan said...

Just let yourself and kids off to HappyLand for these few days before facing the reality again. Get yourself re-charge and geared for whatever is coming next. Whatever it is, remember, God is in control! Amen!

Eve said...

Way to Go Charmaine!

Cyn, i don't know if it is consider self deceiving to just take the good news as it is. Maybe it will affect the mood and subsequently because of the good mood, the health just gets better.......... :)

Jia you!

yinkoiee said...

praying + hoping for the best with you..

<3 sy

J.H said...

great news! Stay positive Cynthia :-) It will make it easier to get through this battle. We are praying for your little princess.

stacey said...

Make peace with your situation. When you change your perspective, everything changes. Your experience will change. Instead of coping (I personally don’t like the word cope), you manage. You begin to take charge of what looks like a “hopeless” situation. You will discover your true strength. If your focus is wellness, that becomes your destiny. Things will get better, it is a must.

grandma fang said...

it sounds like good news:)
keep the positive attitude:)
praying for char~

grandma fang said...

sounds like good news:)
keep up the positive attitude:)
i will keep on praying for char~

JulietJas said...

Breathe...Look up...Pray...
Praying for you & 2 kiddos. Hugs Love Aunty J

Susan said...

Hi Cynthia, is everything as good as can be? Have not heard from you and it's been more than a week. Just getting worried that's all but I am sure Charmaine is doing well. I've been whispering a prayer for her at least once each day. Susan

 
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