Day 6 - still here in KK and still having high fever

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Char is still having high fever of close to 40 degrees...
Doc stand is still the same that it could be a viral fever like Jase...

Please pray that it's indeed only a viral fever and nothing more than a viral fever.
Please also pray that her counts/immune comes up quickly so that she can fight off her viral fever.


Dear Patrick,

I actually typed a very long reply to you but couldn't post it on the comment.
I'm sorry that you lost a child to medicine and is probably assuming that you have better ways to help me not repeat your steps. But I am not you and my Charmaine is not your child. Jolene feels very strongly for me because she has witnessed me crying numerous times over your words which actually hurts like a piercing knife. I thought I know you have only good intentions but those last couple of comments made me wonder.

One of the biggest reasons we didn't post your comments is because we know it would start another round of waging war here which we do not want to see. You chided me for being a child who doesn't take responsibilities... I am a child yes because I am struggling to cope with all these unknowns and I am feeling lost almost all the time in this journey. You said I've made a lot of mistakes. Ya, I regret and hate myself so much for not eating well and crying too much when I was pregnant with Charmaine and just kept cursing myself. But what else could I do when I was 7 months pregnant with a son that barely turned one and my than husband decided to not just walk out but kicked us out of the house...

Patrick, I don't know what happened in your life and neither do you know mine. Let's just stop here. I don't know what have I done to incur such wrath from you. To ask me to be prepared and to even imply that my son could be gravely ill. I'm sorry if we have offended you. Will you please accept my apologies if in any way have I offended you and just leave me alone. Please.

I'm a mother and I don't know how to be prepared for my own child's whatever. And I never will. And right now, I'm still fighting with my every ounce of strength left, what are you trying to imply or achieve, I don't know and don't wish to know. Point is I don't wish to cry in front of Charmaine and one of the things that made me cry are your words.

I've been silently reading your comments but it's reached a point that I know I cannot see any of your comments anymore because it might just tear me apart while I'm now still here praying for Charmaine's fever to subside. And yes I'm an onco mommy. I live each day of my life, wondering if it's genetic and if Jase is indeed safe...

Patrick, thank you for being concerned for my little girl Charmaine and my son. I appreciate your concern.
I wish you all the best. I would like to just make it clear that we would not be publishing your comments from today onwards. However, if you still choose to leave your words, I can only pray that you will be kinder to me and my family. Thank you.



Pris said...


I'm sorry you lost a child to cancer. However, you are not in Cynthia's shoes, Charmaine & Jase are not your children, and the issues which this family is facing is not the same as what you faced. Please do not attempt to live vicariously through Cynthia. She is Charmaine's mother and she knows best.

And please, do not sit on your high horse and bring God into the picture. It's hypocritical for you to tell Cynthia to listen to God because one of God's fundamental lessons is JUDGE NOT which is exactly what you are doing.

Be nice. If you can't, have the decency not to wound someone who has already suffered a lot and who is still suffering.

stacey said...

Unconditional love is about acceptance of others without running around trying to heal or force them to change. Sometimes we faced interference from well-meaning people; it is never their place but the parents to act on the best interest of their child. Many times, we welcome support from others; some of them may have problem knowing when to stop especially when we don’t agree with them. Advice coming from a negative mental mindset is of no value to the receivers. There is a fine line between being interfering and being helpful. It is your right as a mom to care for your child as you think best. Each of us is here to learn and to work out our own lessons. Too much negative interference can make parents feel like failure, a child’s best interest certainly can’t be served in this way when the mind is clouded with negative thoughts. Most of us will do what you did, put up an emotional wall to defend ourselves, or we can just ignore them. God bless.

Mom2two said...

Cynthia, your reply to Patrick's comment is one more proof that you are indeed a strong mother, despite whatever happens to you. I like the way you reply to Patrick. Very wise indeed. We all love you and will continue to pray for you, Char & Jase.

jellies said...

Cynthia, just wanted to send some virtual hugs... i am not in your position so i can't say i know exactly how you feeling but i understand and i know it's not a good feeling. pls don't feel disheartened because as i have said before, you have a great gang of friends beside you and that is a BIG BLESSING from God. in life, there will always be upsets in the midst of blessings so let's just concentrate on the blessings.

and in my last comment, remember i said, don't blame yourself for having done something or not having done something because every decision we make is always planned for and there is a reason for it. for us mothers, there is NO wrong decision. we know the best for our kids because we are their mothers and nobody can comment or judge. JIA YOU, JIA YOU, JIA JIA JIA YOU!!!!!

stacey said...

Dear Jolene,

I have a digital copy of The China Study: The Most Comprehensive Study of Nutrition Ever Conducted and the Startling Implications for Diet, Weight Loss and Long-term Health. In this book, it provides useful information between the link of cancer and food/diet. If you are interested in having the copy, please provide me your email add. My email:

Best Wishes,

crazy me said...

May I just say that Cynthia's reply to Patrick is sufficient and everyone else should just give it a break? The guy may be in the wrong but by jumping in and telling him to "get a life" and such it's kind of like stooping to the same level. He's lost a child and its possible he just does not want to see it happen again, though he expresses himself in crude and imposing ways. It could be grief talking even after 24 years. So kudos to Cyn mommy for her adult reply, and maybe the rest of us could just leave him alone.

kangta164 said...

I lost my dad to cancer, my brother just got a relapse in his cancer. Does that give me any right to tell Cynthia what should be done and what shouldn't? Of course no because by the end of the day, she is Charmaine's mom and she knows what's best for her. So i don't know what is up with this Patrick guy but if he doesn't have any nice thing to say to encourage Cynthia, he should just not say anything.

As helpless as i am just by reading your posts and updates Cynthia, i really do hope you God will continue to be your comforter and strength. I can never relate to how much pain you are going through but do know that both you and Charmaine are always in my thoughts. Stop blaming yourself for whatever has happened in the past because there is nothing you can do to change those facts but look forward to what else you can do to make things better.

Get more rests if you can and do take care. Will continue to pray for you and your family.

J.H said...

Cyn, I am one of the mothers (I am sure there are thousand of mothers who read your story here) who completely awe by your courage and strength.
I can't never imagine what would I do if I were you, but I think you do the right thing of your knowledge for the best interest of your children.
We are sending our prayers from UK, and may God touches Char little body so that she might be healed for His Glory.
I know you never know me in person, but if your little one is well enough, we would love to have you visiting UK. Just give us a buzz.

Ginsengmum said...

Hi Cyn,

I am a silent reader of your blog. Here's wishing Charmaine a speedy recovery and be strong!

Starlite said...

Hi Cynthia,
Stay strong and positive. I do read silently and have not commented, but I am sure that there are a lot of us out there praying for Charmaine.

With regards to Jase, not sure if this info will help but there is this new thing called bioresonance.

You can do a test, where they analyse your cells or something, and apparently, they can tell you whether there are any cells that can potentially become cancer.

And then you go thru their therapy to mend the cells. I don't know the details, but this is the gist that i got.

Perhaps can arrange something with them to arrange a free test.

Hope the info helps.

Starlite said...
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Starlite said...
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Mama Joan said...

Jia You, cyn! Just keep your focus on God's healing on Charmaine! Take care of yourself.... Lil Princess, Jia you. When you grow up and read this blog of yours, you will understand even more in depth of how much your mummy loves you...

Jolene said...

Patrick, my heart really goes out to you for losing your child to medicine. I can imagine your pain. I agree with you that as far as possible, we should avoid medicine and only use it as a last resort. However, the "fact" that this makes you know better than all of us doesn't quite hold true.

You've got mail!

Your comments would still be published as I think it's good to share the website with others who might be interested.

Thank you all. You've uttered our sentiments almost exactly. It's really comforting to know how people understand cyn's situation so well. =)

Cyn has really said it very well so let's all be forgiving.

Have a great day at work, at school, at home!

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