We are still at KK but Charmaine's fever has already subsided since Saturday.
We could have been discharged this afternoon but Dr Aung managed to schedule a MRI scan last min so we didn't have to go to a private center. Thank you to the radialogists and the doctors and nurses who stayed behind for overtime just to slot us in.
I am of course feeling anxious again from the scanxiety.
Charmaine is feeling wonderful after she was de accessed this afternoon and we spent the last 3 hours playing in the room.
Maybe because we were having so much fun just minutes ago and now I had to force the sleeping gas mask onto her face to sedate her, she struggled and cried loudly... And maybe because I couldn't switch myself back from the happy moments earlier as well, I'm feeling horrible now. The radialogy dept is closed and hence I had to come back up to the ward to wait for the next 2 hours... This physical distance away from her also makes me very uncomfortable and jittery. Like even if it's just seating outside the scan room creates some sort of comfort feeling knowing that you are just very close. A few steps away doesn't ease the scanxiety but it just makes me feel less guilty to some extent... Because I just want to keep her close, as close as I can since I'm already breaking the promise of staying right beside her during the scans... I'm sure all the other parents feel the same way...
Charmaine always tells me not to leave her alone and to stay by her side throughout. This is one of those promises during her treatment that I've hardly kept to it and yet still has to lie about. Maybe that's why the guilt stays in my mind... And continues to build up every time she has a scan... Of course having scans are the least invasive part of our journey and I am just being a pig ranting about it. But I must say scanxiety is probably one of those factors that has the highest risk of causing a heart attack for parents.
Today's scan is going to determine our treatment moving forward and it's the first time since her relapse that we will know how effective were the previous 2 chemos... I'm a total nervous wreck now, typing and waiting...
Please do keep my little girl in your prayers and please pray that she has responded very well and that we have achieved another successful remission... Thank you all.
Love,
cyn mommy
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3 comments:
Cynthia mommy,
you have never left Charmaine alone !!! you are the most determined mommy and you never give up any hope to cure her. so do not feel sad. that little time is for you to rest and hug her more when she is out...
Have faith Cyn, I'll keep lil Char in our prayers. I can understand the scanxiety, a family member has been having scans too! N it's agonising waiting for results. I do hope it's good news for you! PRay in the mean time, it'll take some anxiety off..
Take Care,
Karen S
The idea of beating the illness stresses the mind but the thought of allowing the wellness lower one's resistance. Justify your words and actions with less resistance thoughts. See them as something beneficial, the larger part of it. It is the best you can figure out what to do from where you are. It is the best decision you can make from where you stand. Then your experience will change, you will be alright. God bless.
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