Week 1 Update

Cyn SMS:

finally has the peace to write. we have completed cycle 1, 5 days of gruelling treatment. the toughest in evrey way. thankfully, help came in. Iris came on mon to be with Jase at playroom. Tue evening, Jasmine and Viviene flew in from Phoenix. On tue, help came in the form of Jase. On Mon and Tue, when I was alone, help came in the form of Jase. to those, including myself who think that kids cant help you much in times like this, i would like to say that kids are more than what we think they are.

On Mon, char was in extreme pain until 4am. i had to rush out to get cold packs and it was Jase who watched over his little sister for that 20mins. He called to tell me she fell asleep. for char, it was the toughest day. She was drowsy but yet it was too painful to sleep. Even 30mins, she would cry out in pain. When she finally slept at 4am, i had to wake her up at 7am. I was tired, so were the kids. Worst of all, Char rems everything that has happened on monday clearly. Although she remember it and fear was written on her face, she didnt put up any fight when i said we had to go for 3f8. Asked formilk and chose her dress, and we left.

Gettering her to take herpre-med was tough on tues. She had another reaction on tue, breaking out in hives all over, and vomitted at least 5 times. i cried out in fear, looking at her hivey face and body. Luckily she responded to the bendaryl given immediately. She didnt eat anything at all for 3 days. Wed was slightly better than tuesday. JStill in pain, still nausea. Thursday was the surprise. Our feisty little girl returned her feisty self when she woke up! we tried to encourage her on wed with all the pain that we go toys r us when she;s better, and she can get a toy. She couldnt even answer me on wed. sshowed no interest even at the mention of toys. When I opened my eyes on thurs morning, first sound I heard was "mommy, i tought u said, we were gonna get toys?" i was shocked in a pleasant way. =) to see her eyes glow, and her cheeky look asking for toys. Imiss that so badly. It was also the first time Jasmine and Viviene hve heard my real girl in her true self. And not the grumpy distressed unhappy baby over the previous days. They laughed and they smiled. I did too.

Welcome back my feisty princess!

She was clearly upset at having to go hospital but did little to resist. In fact, she went on to continue to surprise us further throughout the day. She learned to cope with her pain ! One of the things we notice about little girls here is the strength to suffer in silence. Even when I mentioned Char crying out in pain, its never thouse loudness bursting through the hallway. but boys tend to do that. Girls turn stoic. So did my little princess.

The nurse first saw her signs of distress through her heart rate. I hadnt Know! we were on bed watching Dora. she had been tolerating thepain in silence with no complains. What can I say? Only after another 15mins did she let out a whim saying her tummy is very painful. Asked if she wanted med, she said no. After another 20mins, she was still in pain. We dedcided to give her Dilaudid. Her hives broke out bad. She was given so much med that the nurses were surprised that she's still awake. I'm surprised again! She was fighting the pain, fighting the zzz monster. She just want to stay awake and go home. And we did. Upon home, she was up and running by 6pm. A veryvery wonderful sight. I;m just so glad to have her back the way she is.

Today, she was upset cause she thought yesterday was her last day. but she soon appease her anger and fear. For some weird reason. Today's pain was much more than yesterday, altho they expect the pain to get betterb y friday. Hives again. Gave her more rescue than yesterday. Right now, she's in pain. But she said this to me when i asked if she wanted more med. "I dont want med. i want to wait for baby monster to go away then I wont be painpain. " It brought tears to my eyes. I know she's a fighter but i just didnt realise how tough she is until now. because of the pain relief medication, shewould be in this drowsy mode. But since yesterday, every now and then, she would say out a short phrase and u know her mind is awake all the time, listening and thinking. She just couldnt keep her eye lids open wide. we had some near death experience for a boy across the room receiving 3f8 and it totally freaks u out. He pulled through but was removed from the protocl. U hear kids screaming in the morning when they start 3F8. Not a place u want to know or rem actually. We have another warrior on the same protocol as Princess Char and we started on the same day in the same room, side by side. And we will be pretty much on this journey together.

Love, Charlene

--edited to add--
cyn SmS at 0952pm Friday (NY) or 0952am Sat (SG)

Damn. She was just screaming out and crying out in so excruciating pain! 10mins ago. Fraek me out cause iam alone. =( Luckily the pain med helped. Other than first day, this is probably the next worst!

(Cyn has rushed Charmaine to hospital since then)

love, Charlene