A bad day.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Today is one of those days where you feel like the unluckiest soul on earth and nothing seems to work right.

Dr has not seen that black spot before and said she is concerned with the blackness on the surface of the tongue. God, help Charmaine pls! Pls let it heal on it's own miraculously. We are treating it as fungal infection for now and Dr has prescribed oral med. Frankly, my mind is not at all feeling any relief. None at all.

Once again, char needed a platelet transfusion. I don't know how many more times I can stay human and sane watching her cry her lungs out literally with the accessing of her portacath! I am infuriated that she has to suffer like this! Her loud cries and screams for my help but I can do nothing. I have to scream louder than her to even get her to hear my voice beyond her screams and cries. I felt like some werewolf about to turn into a beast and tear down the room. I have no reason to be angry at the nurses or doctors and I'm not but my anger is beyond my comprehension. The sadness and the despair consumes me totally now.

She developed hives all over her body barely 15 mins into transfusion. Itchy and red and swollen, started crying non stop again. Even said she couldn't breathe at some point! The doctor definitely isn't responding as swift as I wish but after 2 diff med, she calmed down and fell asleep again. We have been rushing from KK to SGH and back to KK again. Our ordeal is yet to be over. The de-accessing of her needle will be another traumatizing event.

I need to breathe and focus and not crumble but it's been getting harder with each turn of event.

Love,
cyn

11 comments:

Michel said...

Hi Cyn,
is it an option to bring her back to NY? she seems to be better taken care of there.... she is well and about there.....
I wish to help to take away some of those pains from Char....
God bless...

Mama Joan said...

Cyn, m really sorry to hear tat. It just break my heart when i read this. I search thru web and most of the web stated that this is viral infection which shouldn't call for concern but with Char's condition, i think nothing should be label 'uncall' for especially now she has zero immunity. Now that i trace back, lil princess's HAMA was suddenly shot up to high rate might be indicating her immunity system was attacked becos shortly after that, her scan revealed negative result.

Cyn, continue to trust in the Lord, for He is the mighty healer who had bear all our illnesses in the stripes on His body on the cross. Lil Princess, Jia You!!

Ms. Potatoe said...

HANG IN THERE BABE!

Gloria said...

I am at a loss for words. I feel your pain. Take care

Maggie said...

If I am U, I would have most likely lost my mind or collapsed by now. But U are not me, U are so much a braver and stronger mummy than anyone I know. Please continue to believe in yourself and the med team and never lose hope

lxdaddy said...

hi Cynthia,

i believe every1 in aj will be praying for Charmaine. meanwhile take good care of urself so that u can be there for her when she most needs u...

2am said...

No matter how bad a day is, it will get over.

J.H said...

Cyn. I was nearly broke to tears reading your update. I know it must be very hard on you.
However, I must say that it sounded like Char doing much better in NY. She had less traumatizing event and seem like better cared of, is that any possibility you return there?
I must say even children hospital here in Oxford treat children very well. I had never thought that local anesthetic is necessary when my son due to draw blood, but to my surprise 3 nurses came, one reading him books, one blowing bubble, the other one draw his blood. In my country they will just ask me (his parent) to hold him still while they are doing the procedure.
I am feel really bad as I already left singapore few years back and can't offer you any concrete help than my prayers.
May God heals Char's little body.

stacey said...

Bernie Siegel, M.D. is the author of several bestselling books, including Love, Medicine and Miracles. I email him about your case. Below was the email he wrote me:

I would say what her daughter needs is her love to sustain her through whatever happens or comes.

When cancer is a monster you empower the enemy. Heal your life and body and use imagery that the child creates. You can use god's love and light to melt a block of ice and the tumor can melt away. Help her to find joy each day so her body knows she loves her life

Help to deceive her into health,
give her some vitamins each day and tell her they will help to eliminate the cancer by blocking the circulation to it and making it shrink

Peace
Bernie

All the best to you.

stacey said...

Dear Cyn, more than two years ago, I was in a similar situation like you. My boy was treated at NUH. All I can tell you is healing is about body, mind and spirit-it is a whole package, not just medicine alone. I was fortunate to understand that through teachings of some remarkable teachers who are also doctors. Btw, it is not necessary for you to post my comment on your blog. I just want to share my experience. God bless.

Best Wishes,
Stacey

j e s s said...

http://www.sacbee.com/static/newsroom/swf/april07/mother/

a very touching story

 
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