I miss you Char Char...

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Char char,

Ma ma misses you so much... So much today... I can't stop crying... I think the reality is slowly hitting me... I miss your touch, your hugs, you holding my hands, I miss hearing you pressing the doorbell non stop continuously to get ma ma's attention...

Yesterday I truly was relieved for you but today I just cant contain myself... It hurts do bad... Will I ever recover from grieving my loss...

I'm so scared... I can't seem to remember much about you, your voice, your laughters... Its so scary... I want to remember everything about you because it's all I have left of you now... But my useless brain is failing me... I'm not dreaming of you, I don't feel any connection with the other worldly you...

I am useless, I can't save you when I've been promising you that everything will be fine... I'm sorry I lied... I didn't want you to be scared. You don't deserve any fears on top of what you were going through...

I know Jase is depending on mama now but I'm so scared that I can't even get a hold of my ownself and how could I even protect him...

Please Char, give mommy some signs... Pick me up, I need your help badly...

I love you so so so much...

I miss you terribly... Oh heavens, this is so tough and so painful...

Love,
Your mommy always...

94 comments:

lison lim said...

You are a GREAT MUMMY... You've done your part as a Super Mummy... Your lovely princess is always with you and Jase. Please take good care of yourself and always tell yourself that you are not alone.

一个人的旅途... said...

Mummy Cyn,

think of the sufferings the little princess had gone thru'... and now she is free from all the pain...
dun you want her to be happy?

She is watching at you from the skies above... what would you like to her to see??

let her go without the needs to worry for you....

stay strong for kor kor...
Jia You!

lison lim said...

You are a Super Great Mummy... You've already done your very best as a mother. Please take good care of yourself as Jase needed you now.
Rest in peace little princess Char,
You was a super great warrior for the past 2 years plus.
Miss you....

Del said...

Dear Cyn,

I can understand how you feel for I have been through the same agony when I have lost my loved one 5years ago.

Princess char is now free of pain & suffering, she will be always looking after you and your family from above.

Please do take care and be strong for only time can heal the wound.

Debbs. said...

Stay strong cynthia! i have been reading your blog on and off since 2009 and i almost cried when i saw someone tweeted about charmaine's passing ): your children are so fortunate to have a mother like you. and this blog is such a blessing as you can always go back to the char you loved within these entries.

Char will always be in the hearts of many people for being the warrior she was (:

Stephanie said...

Charmaine is in Jesus loving hand now. Up there only happiness and love exist, no saddness. So rejoice for she is up there in heaven.

Children are from God and they automatically go up there.

There are so many videos you have captured of Charmaine, surely you could look at them and enjoy the time that you have her with you.

Abba Father, may the Lord bless Cynthia and Jase with shalom Peace of Jesus. May Jesus be their strength and endurance to pull through this period of time.

Lord Jesus, surely Charmaine is in Your Comfort now. Glory Glory! Amen Amen!

Ada said...

Dear Cyn mummy,

*big warm hugs to you and Jase*

I can't Imagine what you are going through right now and I know no words can truly be the right words. I hope you would be encouraged to walk on in this journey by sharing with you how your journey have inspired me.

The love you have for your children and their love for you speaks volumes in itself. Both yours and Char's fighting spirit have shown many that when there is a will, there is a way. If all families loved the way yours did - the world would be a more beautiful place. You have taught me to love fiercely, cherish deeply and live each day to the fullest!

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Charmaine fought a good fight and she has inspired many of us by her courage, love and zest for life! she must have learnt it from her own warrior mummy!

You are an amazingly and wonderfully strong mum for both your children. And you have done an awesome job! Both your children are so so so blessed to have you as their mummy! They are without a doubt very much loved by you and I'm sure they know that with every bit of their heart.

I'll be keeping you and Jase in my prayers! xoxoxo

kristin ooi said...

Be strong... time would leave you with just wonderful memories of what you have with Char.. Trust in the Lord and God bless...

Eve said...

Hi Cyn, I can't say I totally understand what you are going through now. But some of the feelings you mentioned seems familiar to me......

It may hurt alot now to retrieve these memories but rest assured that the memories of Char will never never fade. At any time, reach deep within your heart and it will always be there.

Jia you.

Love and hugs,
Eve

Mama Joan said...

Dun blame urself cynthia.. Becos its beyond all our control... It will b a very difficult period frm nw onwards till u get over it.. Char will always live inside ur heart n she will want u, her dearest ma ma, to live happily for her.. To live life to the fullest on her behalf....its nt easy but do let go n move on.. U stil hv jase..

Mama Joan said...

Nw tat i finally get to meet u, its time to say goodbye.. U hv fought hard, lil' warrior.. U may hv lost the battle physically but u hv won in spirit! U may b young at age but ur maturity surpass most adults...m glad tat i known u becos u hv shown me how to count my daily blessings n how to love life.. Thk u lil princess... nw tat u r pain free, fly happily..一路走好!

Magdalene said...

I can fully understand how you feel now. I had the same feeling as you when my dearest mum left me. I also lied to her, telling her everything would be fine n she could go home. She trusted me so much. But in the end, I failed to do so. I blamed myself badly. But seeing her free from pain, I felt so happy for her. You too.. should feel happy for your darling girl. She is happy now, no pain anymore..
You need to stay strong for your boy.
Take care! you can do it!!!
Jiayou!!

Magdalene said...

I can fully understand how you feel now. I had the same feeling as you when my dearest mum left me. I also lied to her, telling her everything would be fine n she could go home. She trusted me so much. But in the end, I failed to do so. I blamed myself badly. But seeing her free from pain, I felt so happy for her. You too.. should feel happy for your darling girl. She is happy now, no pain anymore..
You need to stay strong for your boy.
Take care! you can do it!!!
Jiayou!!

Chok Keun said...

My deepest condolence to you and your family. Take care...

While it is sad to know Charmine has left, it is good to know that she is now relieved from all the pain and suffering.

Stay brave, I believe little Charmine would not like to see her loved ones tearing for her...

Mummy Chua said...

Dear Cynthia, please stay strong! I know it is easy for us to say and write these words. I know the pain, the heartache and suffering is really unbearable. Char is in safe hands now and I believe she will want her mummy to be happy and take good care of her kor kor.

Stay strong for her, yourself and Jase!!! JIa you!!!
You have done so well for the past 2 years and please do not give up now.

jen.soo said...

I wish I were living in Singapore. I would attend the wake and just give you a tight huge (my sis actually stays in the opposite block!).

My girl is 1 yr younger than Charmaine and since yesterday I have been hugging her many times, tighter than I had ever done before. The thought of you not being able to hug your girl anymore really hurt so I hugged my girl as if today was the last. You have taught me that and I really am thankful for it.


I also take comfort in that she is not suffering anymore but I as a stranger also get bouts of sadness now and then when I think of Charmaine and I cry for you.

When the bouts of pain come, let's focus on the point that she is so HAPPY now. As parents, I believe all we want is for our kids to be happy, right?

I pray for alot of comfort for you and Jase and also for gong gong and popo.

Ginsengmum said...

Dear its never easy to forget soneone we love so dearly. And yes its painful to let go. But with time, what will be left behind will be all the sweet memories of her. Take care, Charmaine will be watching over.

[shichang] said...

Dear Cyn,

I cannot fathom the pain you are feeling right now. It is always tough to lose a kin, much less your own beloved daughter.

Words cannot express my admiration for you and Charmaine for these 2 years of battle against the illness. The courage and faith shown is worth every bit of it. Although Charmine had left, she left for a better place where she is void from all her pain and suffering.

My deepest condolences to you and Jase. Rest in peace Charmaine, you had been an example for me, a very strong, courageous one.

敏慧 said...

Dear Cyn Mummy,

Take time to grieve, don't rush, don't hurry, you will emerge through it all, your little angel is flying high and looking over you and Jase.

Take good care.

Big hugs,
Nicky

ahpengpeng said...

To Mommy From Heaven
by Sandra L. Garman

Mommy, don't cry, 'cause God is holding my hand
and telling me everything is OK.

Mommy, God said that I will never want for anything
and I will still feel your love all the way up here.

Mommy, you should see me,
I am running and playing with God's other children.

Mommy, guess who helps watch over us while we play?
They are God's Helping Angels!

Mommy, I'm not afraid, my great- great- great- great grandparents are here.
They came to me when it was dark and held my hands;
then we went to God's bright light,
where Angels were singing.

Mommy, God said, If you feel sad, to remember this;
I'll be the gentle breeze that brushes your face,
the sun is my smile and the rain is me washing away your pain.

Mommy, I send you all my love.....
Lovely Charmaine

Michelle said...

Dear cyn mommy,
You are a strong and brave mum! Charmaine takes after you ! Jase needs you now! Be strong for him! Hugs to you and jase!

Michelle

The One and Only Me said...

Dear Cyn Mummy,

I feel so sad just reading what you're typing..I would be lying to say that I understand what you're going through...but I want you to know that you've been so selfless and sacrificed so much for Char...well I would say you found strength in each other, and she fought on so much because of how you refused to give up as well...

but your princess is now in a world of no suffering.

I don't know how to lessen your pain, but no, I will not ask you to forget your princess, but to let her live on in your heart and be strong, cos there's Jase too!

Hugs.

Jia Min said...

God bless you Cynthia. (: Pick yourself up, Jase needs you very much. Stay strong, and know that Charmaine would want to see you smile. Will pray for you. Take care!

hannah said...

Dear Cyn Mommy,

I've just said a prayer for you,Jase and Char. You are safely the bravest and strongest woman I know.

From the 1st time I set eyes on you and your feisty princess at the Oncology centre, I was amazed at how positive and cheery you were and how that had made Char such a confident girl.

Being a mommy myself and having to fight a brain tumour in my girl, I know the pain of seeing our little ones suffer. But Char is in a better place now, I'm sure, and she will draw strength from all the love and strength you've shown her.

Please stay strong. Kor Kor Jase needs you as much as you need him. You will be in my prayers.

Let the painful memories go and keep the images of her smiles, and her 'Love you!s'. She's watching you and Jase from up above, and would surely want both of you to lead happy, fruitful lives.

Please take care. You've been a great mommy and am sure you will continue to be one for Jase...

hannah said...

Dear Cyn Mommy,

You are safely the strongest and bravest woman I know. I knew this the first time I met you and Charmaine at the Mount E oncology centre, where I was with my girl for her RT treatment for her brain tumour.

Your calm, happy and cheerful demeanour inspired me and when I spoke briefly with Charmaine, I knew straight away she must have gotten her confidence from her mommy.

You've fought the battle the best way it can be fought, and Charmaine knows that.

Continue to be brave and strong for Jase Kor Kor. He needs you. You've done such an amazing job with Charmaine under the most challenging circumstances. Now that she's watching from up above, she would surely want to see both of you strive on and be happy in life and always think happy thoughts of her.

I want you to know that you and Jase will be in my prayers.

Please take good care of yourself.

anny said...

Cry all you want grief all you want , you need to let it out loud before you can pick yourself up again. Cyber friends like us who have never met Char in her entire life cried so badly today just by seeing her , let alone her dearest most loving mummy n gorgor and everyone at home who had been with her throughout. You need a good rest before you can start seeing signs from her which you might have seen but was too tired to notice, you need to rest. we have been praying for your family and will continue to pray for you for healing.
Love Anny

Simplicity said...

Dear Cynthia,

You have been a great and strong mother to Charmaine.

She will be an angel watching over Jase and you. We know your pain and we hope you can continue to stay strong for Jase.

Take care!

lainelaine said...

take care and stay strong. you are not alone, you still have jase, your good friends and family.

lainelaine said...

you are not alone...you still have jase, your friends and family. you have been a very strong mother and i really admire you. take care and stay strong.

dotz said...

Like so many others, your journey these past two years plus has been such an inspiration to me. Your mother's heart and courage is so, so strong; you possess such a deep inner strength to have gone through so much, even though there must have been so many moments when you felt overwhelmed and helpless.

May that same strength carry you through these days of adjusting to life with Jase. And yet, how precious are your tears for Char - don't keep them in, let them flow... remember that every tear you cry is borne out of love, and nothing to be ashamed of.

Let that love wash over your soul, slowly melting away all the tension and anguish of the past few years... allow yourself to grieve - how could you not be in pain? And then, when you are ready, wipe your face, hold your chin up high, take hold of Jase's hand, and boldly face the world again.

I believe you can do it. :) *hug*

petmama said...

Dearest Cyn Mommy,

I was alerted to Charmaine's plight yesterday. So I spent the last 2.5 hours reading up your website.

I really don't know what to say. Feels like I've just finished reading a very horrible book. I'm overwhelmed with.... I don't know how to describe.... I mean, I'm a mother of 3 kids.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. No amount of words can take away your pain. Letting go is not easy but it is also not impossible.

My heart goes out to you and Jase. Take care.

ah per said...

Grieve, because Char deserves it.
Then heal, because Jase deserves it.
Live, because you deserve it.

dailydosageoflove said...

Dear Cyn,

I know that this would be a very difficult period that you have to go through. But always be remided that I, or we will walk it through with you.

I've seen the countless battles you and Charmaine have fought over this 2 years, and I must say that uou guys had fought wel, and finished strong.

I hope you could still muster the fightning spirit and strength, for yourself and of course Jase. Should you need any help, I'll be more than willing to render my help. Jiayou alright! You're not alone.

Jon

Mummy Bean said...

Mummy Cyn,

You won't forget Char cos she has been living in our hearts. Her smile, her touch, her voice and every little details of her is in you as it has now been covered by grief. Once its over, u will smile remembering all the little things u shared with Char.Grief all you can for her , give yourself a period of time to mourn and after that period tell urself its enough n u have to move on. I believe ur lil angel Char would wan Mummy and Korkor to move on too.. Hugs..

Tina said...

Dear Cyn mummy

Take care & be strong for Jase. You are the Best Mummy! Your Little Princess is now at a place where she can be happy with no more pain & suffering. She will always be with You & Jase; watching over You.

Rest in Peace Sweet Little Princess!

Luv, Tina

Hugh Lim said...

Cyn, you remind me the day my wife pass away, I had the same feeling what you are going through now, the sense of lose, fear and guilt. I cry every night in my room and even in my car while driving, I get very agitated with every little things and my poor little girl bear the brunt of my uncontrolled temple so much so that I need to seek external help. But look at me now, I’m so much at peace and continue to look after her and play with her everyday.

I can’t tell you what you should do because everyone handles death differently, I could only tell you how I overcome my grief. The first question I ask is why this thing happens to me; is there a lesson for me to learn? This is how I started to find out more about life in this world, why we are here and what happen after death? Only when I understand what has happened that I come to accept it and start to pick myself up and move on. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss my wife, I still miss her a lot but I’m more at peace and stronger each day.

Also through this process of finding out the answer that I found this ability to communicate with spirits and learn from them what is real after death, the truth is it has nothing to do with religions, spirits have no religion. Believe me you did not loose Char, she’s still around and will be your guardian angel, she will be watching over you and Jase and you’ll meet her again, so be strong for her, she’ll not want to see you this way. If you want to know more I can explain to you when you settle down, really hope you would call me and talk to me. Hugh Lim

Gwen and Glenys said...

Dear Cynthia,

I know how tough it is. It takes time to calm down. Little Charmaine is not gone! She's watching over you and Jase up there :)

Whenever you look at the sky, you see her! Little angel waving and smiling at you :)

You still have Jase to look after. I believe you know that. The best gift a parent can give her child is to stay healthy physically and emotionally. You can do it :) Just do it bit by bit, step by step.

Tight huggle for both you and Jase.

kkf said...

it is painful to lost your love one. No amount of words can heal your deep wound. Can only just say be strong for your other love ones, especially your lovely son, who is grieving like you. Your princess has never left you. She is always there looking at you.

Karene Low-Massang said...

Dearest Mummy Cyn,

We have never met but my thoughts and prayers are with you and Jase especially today as you prepare to send Char Char off on her final journey today.

One of the things that will be of comfort to you is the fact that Char Char is now free of her pain and is safe in our Lord's arms

You have to stay strong and be there for Jase.

I will be praying for you.

Bored Dad said...

Be strong! She is living forever in your heart. She will not want to see you blaming yourself and unable to move on.

Bored Dad said...

Be strong!! She is forever living in your heart. She will not wish to see you blaming yourself and unable to move on. Otherwise, how is she going to rest in peace, right? Be strong, you have been a great mum.

Plenipotenary said...

I am very sorry to hear this. You have did what a mother should do. My heartfelt condolences.

Krissy said...

Char gave a good fight and I am sure she has no regrets for what she has gone through.She is just now in a place where she is free from pain and will be watching over you and Jase. One day, you will reunite with her again so in the meantime, please take care of yrself and live the life for her and she will be watching over you and remain in yr heart forever.

Yinks said...

She is in a better place now. Do take care of yourself. Smile soon. She would want to see you smile :)

deedee said...

Our feisty princess Char has been strong despite the unthinkable pain that she has been through. now that she has moved on to a better place, she would want you to be strong for her and for yourself too. you are a a great mother to her, and continue to be a great mother to Jase. *hugs Cyn* lots of love.

sherylyew said...

Dear Cynthia, no words can even express my sorrow upon reading about little Charmaine's death. It is through her death that I come to know about little Charmaine. Your story and her fight really touched me. I am sure Charmaine is missed by all those who know and love her. Do take care. You are all that her brother has now.

bing said...

Stay strong Cynthia, stay strong for Jase. Brave lil Charmaine will be looking over both of you in heaven.

Don't worry that memories may fade, i believe you will still remember her smile. She is with you in your heart. May you and Jase find peace.

dreamstar said...

God, make me brave for life:
oh, braver than this.
Let me straighten after pain,
as a tree straightens after the rain,
Shining and lovely again.
God, make me brave for life;
much braver than this.
As the blown grass lifts,
let me rise
From sorrow with quiet eyes,
knowing Thy way is wise.
God, make me brave, life brings
such blinding things.
Help me to keep my sight;
help me to see aright
that out of dark comes light.
—Author unknown

nattie said...

Please stay strong, mummy cyn. You're truly one of the best mom a child could ever have. No words can describe how awesome & fantastic you've been as a mother. Char char isn't gone. She is merely just living in a world without pain. Her spirit will always be around you, I am very sure.

I still hope you will continue this blog from time to time.

In Jesus name, I pray you will be stronger for the sake of jase jase. (:

With lots love,
Natalie.

marvin said...

Mummy Cyn, stay strong! Char has been staying strong all these years 4 u. She will definitely not want u 2 despair. Char has shown unwavering strength in d face of great pain & despair & she has put up a brave & great fight till d very end. Show her that u, as her mom, can also do it; u can also fight & stay strong 4 urself & ur family. After all that u & ur family hv been through, it won't b easy, but LIVE WELL! So that when u next meet her, u can tell her how strong u were after she left & make her proud of u...

Luv, Woo family.

Winnie Warner said...

Dear Cynthia,

I am truly sorry for your loss. I am even more sorry that I did not come to know about Charmaine and you earlier, though I probably wouldn't be of much or any help. Just want you to know that you are not alone. We all feel your pain and your loss. You have been as brave and as strong as your lovely princess. Please feel free to grieve, to be sad as the journey to recovery takes time. But please be strong and live a great and meaningful life that Charmaine would have wanted for you. Last but not least, please feel free to let me how we can help Jase and you now...any thing that we can do to help you cope. May Lord Buddha bless Charmaine, Jase and you. Take great care!
Lots of love,
Winnie Goh

daydreamer said...

Dear mummy,
I only found out about Charmaine's passing today and couldn't help but cry. Can imagine your heartbreak. To mummies, their children are the most precious. I only understand this now that I am a mummy with a young toddler.
Have been following your blog for the past 2 years and you have really taught me a lot of things about being a mother and I learn to cherish my son even more.
I almost couldn't bear to read your last few entries about Charmaine's sufferings. At least now she is pain free. But I understand the pain of her leaving would still be there.
Please take care and Jase too.

Keith Wong said...

She will always be there for you , beside you smiling , in every photo and good memories of you and her in good times.Use that to remember . and be strong for Jase :)

Leong Peggy ; said...

Dear cyn, this is my first time chance upon your blog which makes me regret for not knowing this blog earlier to contribute my blessing to your precious.

I am sincerely hereby wishing and hoping you could be stronger as your jase boy needs you!

I believe your precious girl will be happier than before to be free from the pain and bless you and jase boy from above and be a happy angel !

Take care cyn.

2amYH said...

Dear cynthia, I cried that day when I read about the wake. I felt bad for the whole day, and feel lost. Not sure why, I've been following the blog for the past 2 years plus, and it have been my habit to check ur blog almost every day. I always believed that there might be a possibility of miracle, and everything will turn well. You have went through a lot and the journey ahead is still long. It takes time for healing and pick up your life again. We don't forget about memory and feelings, they are just buried deeply in our heart. Like photo albums, we can take it out and view anytimes, else they are hidden there deeply in the closet... Cynthia, I wish you well, and also hope jase will slowly accept the truth. Life will not be the same anymore, but there still your parent and son who will walk with you in your journey. Till then, all will meet together in the comfort and safe heaven up there. Take care and god bless.

bee said...

Dear Cynthia
I'm really sorry for your loss. I cried reading your posts.

Time will heal. Be strong.
Little Char Char is now free. Please stay strong for yourself, Jase and family.

Praying for you and family.

Joe Doo said...

Charmaine inspired letter to Mummy Cyn:

Dear Mummy,

Don't be sad. It's not goodbye - just so long. I've gone first and
will see you again. Live not in sadness & lostlessness but hope & zest. That's what I'm busy with, (not cancer) now that I'm up here. Surprisingly, I'm not alone but have many new friends and they're really nice. Everyone has wings and they're learning how to fly also. Daily breads are so good I wanted to sneak some and bring to you but they're pretty strict. I'll try at it again when they're not snoozing. Be happy and live life to the fullest, will you? I want you to be happy, not sad. When you're happy, little me is happy too. When you're sad, I become sad. When we meet again, I want to hear all your amazing, not sad bedtime stories, can? Take care, Mummy. At death, God's people say "See You Later", not "Goodbye".

See you later, Mummy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnPWIcE6eIU

Love,
Charmaine

HaPPyly MarRieD said...

Dear Cynthia mummy

My heart goes out to you although I only knew of your
Little princess yesterday morning when I was reading the obit page. I thought to myself when I saw her photos and the poem you wrote.

Images of a strong little girl came out and the immense love you have for her. Then the last line showed feisty princess....

I searched and talked to friends and saw this blog. This is a most painful journey that no one should ever go through. I am a mother of three and I hope you will stay strong for kor kor jase. Of course he must have grown up quite a lot thru this ordeal and may even be our pillar.

May the good Lord walk ahead of you to lead you, walk behind you to encourage you, walk beside you to befriend you, walk above you to watch over you, walk beneath you to support you and most importantly walk within you to comfort you.

My heart goes out to you and Jase. God bless.

Jen chan

pohbear77 said...

Mummy Cyn,

stay strong and positive for yourself & Jase. You'd already done all your very best within your abilities & I'm sure Charmaine knows it too... She is now free from all these painful sufferings (& the kindest part of her is to still be happy & cheerful towards her loved ones...) and I'm sure she'll want you and Jase to be strong & move on in life & she'll surely be a Fiesty Angel watching over you all & her loved ones...

Take care!!

pohbear77 said...

Mummy Cyn,

stay strong and positive for yourself & Jase. You'd already done all your very best within your abilities & I'm sure Charmaine knew it too... She is now free from all these painful sufferings (& the kindest part of her is to still be happy & cheerful towards her loved ones...) and I'm sure she'll want you and Jase to be strong & move on in life & she'll surely be a Fiesty Angel watching over you all & her loved ones...

Take care!!

glenn said...

don't give up for jase. cyn you have the backing of all of us. stay strong. jiayou.

Maign said...

Dear Mummy Cynthia,

My wife left me and our three daughters five months ago after battling breast cancer for four years. She was a very kind lady; I am sure she will look after Charmaine for you. She left with the same smile as you mentioned Charmaine did. They are together now in a better place.

Please take good care of yourself and other family members as they also need you. Give it some time, you will find Charmaine stays in your heart forever whether or not you see her in your dreams. Be happy because she will want you to be so.

jjmama said...

Dear Cynthia,

I am so very sorry for your loss. You are an extraordinary mother - please do not second guess yourself. Your brave and beautiful Charmaine was - is - immeasurably loved and cherished.
You and Jase are in our thoughts.

ahgslj said...

dear cynmummy, how are you holding up? i hope you and jase are slowly recovering. the three of you will be in my prayers xxxx

HaPPyly MarRieD said...

Dear Cynthia mummy

My heart goes out to you although I only knew of your
Little princess yesterday morning when I was reading the obit page. I thought to myself when I saw her photos and the poem you wrote.

Images of a strong little girl came out and the immense love you have for her. Then the last line showed feisty princess....

I searched and talked to friends and saw this blog. This is a most painful journey that no one should ever go through. I am a mother of three and I hope you will stay strong for kor kor jase. Of course he must have grown up quite a lot thru this ordeal and may even be our pillar.

May the good Lord walk ahead of you to lead you, walk behind you to encourage you, walk beside you to befriend you, walk above you to watch over you, walk beneath you to support you and most importantly walk within you to comfort you.

My heart goes out to you and Jase. God bless.

Jen chan

HaPPyly MarRieD said...

Dear Cynthia mummy

My heart goes out to you although I only knew of your
Little princess yesterday morning when I was reading the obit page. I thought to myself when I saw her photos and the poem you wrote.

Images of a strong little girl came out and the immense love you have for her. Then the last line showed feisty princess....

I searched and talked to friends and saw this blog. This is a most painful journey that no one should ever go through. I am a mother of three and I hope you will stay strong for kor kor jase. Of course he must have grown up quite a lot thru this ordeal and may even be our pillar.

May the good Lord walk ahead of you to lead you, walk behind you to encourage you, walk beside you to befriend you, walk above you to watch over you, walk beneath you to support you and most importantly walk within you to comfort you.

My heart goes out to you and Jase. God bless.

Jen chan

Pink Lotus said...

Dear Cyn Mummy,

I am very sad too....

Be strong. I am sure Charmaine is watching over you. You have been a wonderful mother to Char and you will always be.

nutcase said...

Cyn mummy,
take time to grieve and let your heart heal. after dat, do focus on Jase who needs you so much. after grieving, please pick up yourself for Jase (to take care of him) and for Char (so that she will not be sad to look at you from the other side).
we went to see Char but you were away. 2 complete strangers who were touched cos our daughter was born 2 months after Char was diagnosed. Char went in peace and was happy. I'm sure she wants you & Jase to be happy as well.
take care mummy! hugz!

coralmarine said...

Hi, I lost my first boy too. But I know I will still not know how you feel, just as I felt nobody knew my lost. PLease be strong and our children do live in us. My son has left me for more than five years, but I still remember his gentle kicks and his soft skin. Reading about Char sends a chill down my spine. For I have always felt the right rib cage of my youngest son bigger than his left. I don't wish to go thru another round of terror. Think I will have to send him for a check in the hospital. Please continue to be the strong Mummy of Char. She will be happy to see you happy.

happypumpy said...

You are a Great Mummy and done your best that you can beyond manys. Life goes on and I pray for you and Jase. Please take good care for Jase & for yourself. You are not alone.

♪爱♥丝♫琳™ said...

Hi there,

I know wherever Char goes, she carries your heart with her.. and likewise:


i carry your heart with me by e e cummings
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

daryl said...

Dear Mummy,pls be strong for Charmaine! You are one great mummy, charmaine is truly blessed to have you!

Serene said...

Dear Cyn,

I dont know what to say to comfort you because I know no words can. Cry out all you want, especially with Jase. You are blessed to be Charmaine's mummuy and she too is blessed to be your dearest daughter. No other mummy deserves her as you do, thats why you are her mummy., her strong mummy who has fought the battle with her. Charmaine is safe in Jesus' arm. Its my prayer that God's peace and comfort be with you. Take care.

Serene said...

Dear Cyn,

I dont know what to say to comfort you because I know no words can. Cry out all you want, especially with Jase. You are blessed to be Charmaine's mummuy and she too is blessed to be your dearest daughter. No other mummy deserves her as you do, thats why you are her mummy., her strong mummy who has fought the battle with her. Charmaine is safe in Jesus' arm. Its my prayer that God's peace and comfort be with you. Take care.

daryl said...

Dear Cyn,
Please be strong for Charmaine. I can only said this to encourage you but the rest is still up to you. I'm sure Charmaine would want you to be happy. You are a great mum and Charmaine is so blessed to have you as her mummy! Stay strong and happy!

(^_^) mi said...

You are a strong and super mummy and Charmaine has been feisty and strong.

You have put up a strong fight and inspired and touch many hears. Take care and stray strong for Jase.

Unknown said...

It's never easy but stay strong. Stay strong for your still healthy and growing boy . The child may appear strong but he is watching and greiving ....watching and greiving over mama's sadness. Let those still living fill your heart once again. And of course Charmine will stay alive in that 'special' corner always. I will pray for you and your family.

It's all about being fabulous said...

Hi Cyn, you have been a great mom.
Please be strong...
GBU

vouddeck said...

If i can asbord all the pain & leave the good memories behind, I would ,pls take care of urself....

vouddeck said...

If i would asbord all the pain & suffering and leave the good memories behind....i would..pls tk care of urself.

Shanice said...

You are GREAT MUM...Charmaine will always be in your heart as well as Jase. Continue to be strong Jase needs you!

I sure Charmaine would like to see both yours and Jase smiles from heaven.


Stay Strong!!

Twinklestarrs said...

Mummy Cyn, I can feel ur pain. No words can comfort u at this moment. Grieve and cry if u must. It will help u in the healing process.

Be strong, for Jase needs u too. JIAYOU!!

Alvin said...

Dear Mummy Cyn,

I don't know how any words can comfort u. All i can say is that my late wife (a follower of your blog) succumbed to lymphoma earlier this year. We have 2 kids. My wife was pregnant when she was diagnosed and managed to deliver our son 2 months premature.

I understand and empathize with yr struggle, i had gone thru similar. The pain is still so fresh even though its been almost 8 mths now. The future of my young kids without a mom.

In any case, i believe my wife will take good care of charmaine in heaven. As she did with our 4 yr old girl.

God bless

Alvin said...

Dear Mummy Cyn,

I don't know how any words can comfort u. All i can say is that my late wife (a follower of your blog) succumbed to lymphoma earlier this year. We have 2 kids. My wife was pregnant when she was diagnosed and managed to deliver our son 2 months premature.

I understand and empathize with yr struggle, i had gone thru similar. The pain is still so fresh even though its been almost 8 mths now. The future of my young kids without a mom.

In any case, i believe my wife will take good care of charmaine in heaven. As she did with our 4 yr old girl.

God bless

bbmoon said...

No amt of comforting words could help to take away the pain that u are going thru. I am a mummy myself and it really hurts me to see u hurting so badly. Only God and time could minimise these pains. I will pray to GOd be mercy on you and give you signs to help u to pick up again. Amen.

Lionel n Rachel said...

dear Cyn mummy, take ur time to grief & accept the reality... its has never been an easy task to overcome..

Char Char is free from all sufferings now... she is laughing & playing & she wld defintely like you to do the same... smile & laugh as u indulge in all your memories with her..

dear Jase... u are a big boy nw, be strong for mummy... ur sister Char will defintely help u along the way...

Char's twinkling eyes & warm smile & giggles will always be embedded in ur hearts forever & as well as ours.

** hugs**

So-Celine said...

Stay Strong, i'm sure the little charmaine won't want to see you this way! =)

Take good care of yourself. Little charmaine is free from all this suffering, she will be happier, so you must feel happier for her too. =)

Jiayou!

melosdis said...

Hi Cynthia, i can never understand your pain, but as a mummy who has had 2 angel babies .. i can tell you that you will never be free from the thought of your precious child..

You will never forget her or the hurt of losing her, you will just learn to deal with the loss over time..

i do hope that you find your peace and also hope that you come to terms with your loss soon..

For me now, 10 years on, I still miss my babies...

DO NOT worry about forgetting her smiles, her touch and her..
Trust me, she will be imprinted in your memory..

from a mummy to another..
do stay strong..

my admiration to you, Charmiane, you feisty little girl..
In your short little life, you have taught me much... Rest in Peace..

Stella Leong said...

Hi Cyn

As a mother myself, I can deeply feel your pain and loss. Charmaine is no longer suffering and freed from pains and needles. BE STRONG! For yourself and your son and everyone around you. Charmaine loves you too and would want her beloved mummy to be HAPPY too!

Komipatty said...

I'm greatly sadden by your story... being a mummy myself. I wish you every strength and courage to go through this. Hope this helps.
http://cbss.sg/who_we_are.html

God bless.

Komipatty said...

Dear mummy Cyn,
I'm greatly saddened by your story, being a mummy myself, do pull yourself through this knowing that your darling is now free from pain and is side by side with God. Be sure that she is in heaven, happy as always and she'll want you to be the same. Hope the below link helps.

http://cbss.sg/who_we_are.html

Tneah said...

Whatever i'm going to say already been said by the rest of people here. No words can describe what you've been thru. Best wishes and be strong for your son, Jase. Your lovely princess will be in our hearts till the end of our mortal lives. As i've a daughter of my own, i feel your sorrows.

madcat said...

The beautiful thing here is the human spirit and human love.

I can see that you love your daughter a lot.

No religion or books will be able to teach us how to love. It comes from within the human.

And we are humans. I am so amazed by your love for your daughter.

Jope said...

i have not stopped crying.
i had cancer when i was a child and it has been 20 years since.
i have a 6 year daugher now.
yet i know myself, i am not as strong as your little girl.
such a pretty girl, i will remember her always

 
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