Really too much

Thursday, October 20, 2011

In all my life, I cannot believe that I will actually be begging heavens to take my child and free her of all the pain and sufferings...

BUT I AM NOW and I still can't believe that I'm typing these words out to you.

It's too much and I honestly cannot bear to see my child suffer anymore. She does not deserve any of these...

She's bleeding almost everywhere... And a new tumor popped out within a day from the inside of her cheek. I have been staring at new tumors popping out daily for more then 2 weeks now but this just broke me down completely and totally. I'm beyond heart-broken. Devastation seems like an understatement too.

It's raw and I can finally see it now that her cheek is so swollen. There is no skin covering it and its there oozing blood, staring right back at me... Killing me right there...

I don't even know how to put it down in words the pain... The heartache, the helplessness...

It bleeds non stop until her whole mouth is full of blood...

She can't even close her mouth now...

It just keeps getting worse... And I thought we are already at the worst but no, the beast continues to salvage my child's body and yet, my baby keeps on breathing for me...

Heavens, please have mercy on my child. Please. I don't want her to suffer anymore... Free her and let her be the happy gril she has always been...

I don't know what else to say or do anymore... I lost...

10 comments:

babytrex said...

Dearest Cynthia, you must be so heartbroken. I am crying as I read your post. You may call in the hospice care team helping you at home to give darling Charmaine a morphine infusion and you can stop the BIPAP. Poor darling and I feel so bad. Hope in her last moments she will not be disfigured anymore.

mich said...

Cyn mommy, hang in there for princess Char...
My heart bled too when I read on...let us all pray
Together ...

mich said...

We love you princess Charmaine...

2amYH said...

I pray that god, budda, alla and all goddness out there to relieve the pain and suffering of Charmaine. Please heal her, heal her tumor, heal the bleeding. Charmaine want to live, please don't let her live with this suffering, please give charmaine mum the healing power to heal her baby, please give her the faith and belief that all bad things will come to an end and good outcome must arrive after that. I pray...

Ginger said...

Praying from Blacksburg, SC for comfort for ALL of you!

God Bless!

Krissy said...

Hi,

I have been following your blog for the past years and I am totally blown away by both char and your courage in dealing with everything. It is also through yr blog that I should feel contented and appreciate what I have in life.

So i just want to let you know that you are doing a superb job and char is so fortunate to have all of you around her. Char is indeed a feisty princess. I pray for her and your family that everything will work out and I am sure God has beautiful plan for both of you. Jia You!

Ms. Potatoe said...

You didn't lose, you fought a brave battle for as long as you could. It's so painful to hear, not to say to see it yourself. I hope Char is pain-free too, please whatever it takes to make the suffering go away...

yuene said...

Cynthia, Jase:

No, you did not lose. You and baby Charmaine showed everyone all what it means to fight--against all odds, against all hope, to take all knocks that life can deal us and still come out standing. May God be with you all at this difficult time. We are here to support you.

Shayne said...

Be strong, lady. Your lovely baby has fought her battle well, she's strong beyond your imagination. I am proud of her, and I know you are too, more than anyone else. It's not an easy path but you made it this far, for that, give yourself a pat on the back, and Jase's too.

All three of you are amazing! :) Let her smile radiate your lives, that beautiful angel.

CHERRING said...

Hello Cynthia,

I have been following this blog ever since it came into media spotlight a few years back. I was hoping for a miracle to happen, but regrettably it did not. However, Charmaine fought hard, and God will have much better plans for her. RIP princess Charmaine!

 
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