What's next?

Saturday, June 27, 2009

“Hey, sorry. I’m feeling a little off now. Cant describe exactly in words, just down… Tired, don’t know what to think. For those asking, ‘what’s next’, I wish I have an answer. Am only meeting Dr Aung on tues, will discuss than. But I expect not to have a fixed answer either. Many possibilities. The current plan is to finish up the 5th chemo soon, and do another bone marrow biopsy to check. The rest is unknown but new york is still part of the plan.

I’m hoping against hope that the 5th chemo will clear char’s body of everything monstrous, and that she need not be poisoned further more. The bone marrow is always the hardest to clear and the biggest challenge in the whole treatment. Once again, when things seem to look like its beginning to change for the better, I’m pushed down the abyss… Its painful and I have to start the climb all over again… Tired and battered.”

-Cyn sms at 1556

57 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sorry but this is cancer for you. U should seriously reconsider if u'd really want your girl to go thru even more pain with the 3f8 in N.Y. Money aside, think about quality or quantity of life.

Anonymous said...

i'm not being cruel by saying this, but cancer is.

- Profile said...

hey, i read about what's happening. already posted it on my blog, hope she gets better soon.

God bless.

Mic said...

Jiayou!NO MATTER WHAT, DUN GIVE UP HOPE! When there is hope, just try!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Cyn, take a step at a time and don't think about what's next. See what Dr. will say and for the time being, just focus on what you can do and spend your time with Jase and Charmaine at home.

Don't give up and you have many of our support here. Don't give up hope. :)

Anonymous said...

May I suggest that the readers,etc, don't ask the feisty what's next,etc, because I am sure they will update us. They know we are concern but sometimes our concern is an "additional" stress to them unknowingly. We also just focus on helping and encourage them and leave our concern asking to them telling us when they are ready,ok?:)

Anonymous said...

May I suggest that the readers,etc, don't ask the feisty what's next,etc, because I am sure they will update us. They know we are concern but sometimes our concern is an "additional" stress to them unknowingly. We also just focus on helping and encourage them and leave our concern asking to them telling us when they are ready,ok?:) And we are not in the position to give any advise too even if we do donate because we did that WILLING without the feisty team forcing us,right? :)

Jia you!!!!!:)

Anonymous said...

Char will be fine.
Be strong! :)

chlocube said...

i know its tough and u feel demoralised and felt so tired to move on, but you cannot give up at this moment, we will all be behind helping you and lil Char, you are her only pillar of strenght now, dun give up hope.when there's hope, there's life!

Anonymous said...

Hi Cynthia, I am trying to figure out how much is the actual treatment in USA. I looked around, but sorry I could not find it. If the 500K isjust an initial deposit, and the treatment is way below that amount ( say 200 to 300k or lower) how about getting a loan for the balance which you cannot raise on time?

Ann

Jolene said...

Thanks for all who are concerned.

every sentence, every word, is a strength to the team. =)

Ann, with Cynthia not working, we are not sure who will loan us such a big amount. 500K (or 525K to be exact) is the initial payment. we did explore with the hospital on installments tho we could only afford it at 30K then. They were firmed in having 350KUSD before we could kick off anything concrete.

Love, Char

Anonymous said...

Cyn, I can feel your drain and tiredness, but what Char is going thru is millions times more and we all wished she doesn't have to. One step at a time, we are all behind you and char. Be strong and take good care of yourself, only that Char will be taken good care too...

Anonymous said...

As unfortunate and as unpleasant as this sounds, this IS cancer.

Have you considered what's going to happen AFTER her treatment in New York? The follow-up treatments, the tests, the scans? What happens then? Do you go on another round of fund-raising then to CONTINUE treating Charmaine? Will this be a life-long fund-raising feat to keep her alive?

Anonymous said...

Hi Jolene, yes yes i know , I am thinking more of exploring loans from organisations, what organisation etc I am not sure, most importantly what is the amount which the hospital bills would end up in. If the instalment is JUST for the sake of formality, and the final amount is is afterall a small portion of the 500k, then, things are at least easier, because now you ask someone to loan,instead of askig someone to give you know what I mean? Then perhaps the amount can be easier obtained than raising.
What is more important is to see how much the actual treatment cost, it is way below USD350, at least there is another option as the timeframe to 14th Jukly is pretty short. If the amount is way above USD350 then, you also need to know and prepare yourself, instead of just preparing USD350.
Anne

Anonymous said...

Dear Cyn, don't lose hope because all of us are not. We'll keep praying. Charmaine will go on. She will be better.

Dear all, if you have a minute to spare, please say a prayer for Baby Kai Xin who needs our wishes too. She's just a 8th mth old baby who needs a liver transplant, please help if you can too.
http://kaixindevelopment.blogspot.com

Both Charmaine and Kai Xin need our wishes. They are just little babies, please extend your little help or prayer if you can. Let them live.

Anonymous said...

to the anony who said "As unfortunate and as unpleasant as this sounds, this IS cancer.

Have you considered what's going to happen AFTER her treatment in New York? The follow-up treatments, the tests, the scans? What happens then? Do you go on another round of fund-raising then to CONTINUE treating Charmaine? Will this be a life-long fund-raising feat to keep her alive?"
are we all glad that Charmaine is not your daughter? It seems that you are ready to let her rot because it seems so too big an amount to spend.

Anonymous said...

Dear Cyn,

Let me tell you, you are a great, strong and wonderful mum that any kids wish that they will have. It is not easy to deal with the situation that you face evryday. Believed me, no many people can be like you, so please don't frown and despair. You are already doing things where most people may have already given up. Have faith, because you already reach so far..and tomorrow will be a better day for you and charmine and Jase!

Anonymous said...

to the anon posting about kai xin, I went to see but there isn't any update on their status of donation at all. How do we know how much they are short of?

Anonymous said...

I think we will also like to donate to save kaixin but maybe they can tell us how much they short of and update us on that so that if is reached, we can stop donating to kaixin.

Anonymous said...

Leave the negative comment behind. There is no way to get everyone to think as positively as you, because they are not in your situation! Charmine is a fighter, You are a even stronger fighter! Take care and God Bless you, charmine and Jase!

Anonymous said...

Hey hey, Kai Xin is soooo much more CUTE! Poor baby. So how? So many people need help.

Anonymous said...

Oops which moron was it who is doing a compaison? Which school you from? Didn't the school teach about some basic humanities?

Anonymous said...

To Anonymous who said "As unfortunate and as unpleasant as this sounds, this IS cancer...."

What do you think if somebody said "ëverybody is going to die one day, why do you bother to stay alive?"
Your comments is not much different from the above statement.

If brave little charmaine have the will to survive, nobody else is in the right position to decide whether is it worth to continue with expensive and painful treatments.

Dear fiesty team,

My suggestion is just take things one step at a time. Don't worry about what will happen in future as it will only add additional unnessary stress.

Anonymous said...

I hope if someone doesn't have nice or encouraging things to say , please just stop harassing Cyn and feisty team . Things are looking better , yes Charmaine may still have cancer in her marrow . But the fund raising , until this point has been quite successful . Charmaine has an allergy right after the op , was in quite a bit of pain . yet brave through that. There's no turning back . don't give up just because someone else is rational and would rather give up on their love ones if they were in a similar situation. Even if its just 1% chance of survival ( I m not saying that it ) , who are u to tell a mother to give up ???

Anonymous said...

It's really shallow to determine which kid deserves help more base on who's cuter . Cancer is cruel , yes . But nothing more heartless by asking a mother to give up or abandon a chance to find a cure.

Casey said...

People who leave negative comments may just be very practical people who think rationally and for the larger good of mankind. Hence, they would highlight the harsh facts and telling cyn to reconsider. But it isn't clear if such a situation befalls on them, would they still keep up with the same mentality of thinking rationally or would they behave in exactly as how cyn is doing now.

Having known that there are rational people around, I would still like to urge all people with negative comments to keep it to yourself.

Cyn mommy has already sufferred enough and she doesn't need to come in here and be slapped with such unkind words.

Discuss with your family menbers, share your views with your friends, debate about it during coffee breaks is up to you. Nobody is stopping you. But to come in here to publish your negative opinions will only add on more distress to cyn mommy, the feisty team and all who care for this family.

It really wouldn't hurt you if you keep your negative comments to yourself right? Why must you come in here to upset people? What do you gain from it? What good does it do for anyone? Has this family harmed you in any way? Do you really feel very good after airing your views out here on the blog?

If you are unable to answer any of the questions then please stop to think how your words will actually hurt people.

Unless of course you derive great pleasure in torturing this family with your harsh words then I must say you are worse than the devil.

Anonymous said...

To all the anonymous giving nasty comments,

Pls think before u leap.
It's easier to hurt than to help.
Pls be considerate enough to leave this blog as we do not need your discouragements.

Hi Cyn,

Pls ingore all the negative comments. You have to stay strong.
Never give up.

Anonymous said...

Kaixin needs only half the funds u've collected for her liver transplant, including post-ops & follow up, to survive. And she is only 7 months old. There are so many more out there. Whats next?

Anonymous said...

Kaixin:

http://kaixindevelopment.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Xinxin's story. She battled stage 4 neuroblastoma, had 1 round of 3F8 in HK, which is exactly what Charmaine is looking forward to in NY.

http://prayforshuqin.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Well , to those who go on and on about how many other kids who are sick or has cancer :

If their loved ones / parents are willing to publicise their story on papers just as the feisty team has done for Charmaine . I m very sure they are many singaporeans who will donate . Probably the same compassionate people who has donated to Charmaine as well . To normal healthy folks , it could mean , a pair of shoe less , a a shopping trip or 2 less , or maybe not buying some some mundane things we don't really need. But if it's for worthy cause of saving a life , I m sure most have big hearts . The thing I cannot pretend to understand is -- How does bringing another kid who's sick into the picture justify saying Charmaine's less deserving of help?? There are kids dying because of famine in Africa . If some self -righteous folks are so free to come here and go on and on , perhaps for their love of mankind go sponsor some poor kid in underdevelope country instead of leaving their 2 cents worth of cheap talk .

My heart goes out with anyone with a sick kid . whether it is Char or Kaixin . They deserve all the help they can get . and it's not through some anonymous daft fool whoes pitting char against other ill kids .

Anonymous said...

wow, well said anonymous above. ( Standing ovation and 21 gun salute for you. ) Took the words right off of my screen.

Anonymous said...

be strong... while we may not be physically standing by you, know that we are always thinking of Char and your family throughout each day and by that, we're all standing by and behind your family and Char in your fight against the monster.

there will be a miracle. be strong!

Anonymous said...

Dear Cynthia,

Look to God for strength. I think this is the part where no human can stand any longer. It is only on bended knees that one find strength in the mercy of God. Matthew 11:28

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Cynthia, it really works. Close your eyes and say a prayer to God and ask Him to take over this all, this pain, this sadness. And if He really wants lil Charmaine home, Heaven surely is a more wonderful place where there will be no more pain. But if His plan for Charmaine is yet to be completed on earth, then Charmaine will surely stay and win her battle. This you must know is not within your control. Please never think that it is because there is not enough money, not because you havent done your best. You are already the best mommy in the world!

In God's Love,
Amanda

Anonymous said...

cyn mummy,be strong. cos you know that char is still fighting against the monster. we would all remember char & the fiesty team in our prayers. hang in there. may you see light at the end of the tunnel soon.

♥PEIZHEN. said...

hey, dont give up in whatever posibilities alright!
she's strong, so you must be strong too :)

god bless.

Anonymous said...

yes,anyone who is willing (which is not easy to do so) to come forward to ask for help, I am sure those who donated will also donate to help, not just Charmaine. I am sure many will also willing to help kai xin. Why not if we can, why talk about all those things like "there are more ppl,kids in need", those who keep making these comment, if there is a person who you know right in front of you yet you only use yours words to "attack" with "beautify/noble words" instead of helping,encouraging or donating,etc, what rights do you have to make such comments.

If you are being denied of help before or any bad experiences, I am sorry but that doesn't means that you are right in making such comments. MIND THAT WORDS CAN KILL!!! Pls stop all that and if you are in need, you are most welcome to come forward to seek help too. Pls don't hurt those who come forward for help anymore. What's goes round will come around! Pls stop,ok?

PS:maybe kai xin parents and charmaine mummy can be in touch to give each other more support and infor exchange?

Anonymous said...

and I will donate to kai xin too.

Wee-Lit said...

Don't lose hope. Things will turn out better ok :)

Anonymous said...

i think u people should stop saying "what goes round comes round". Doesn't it also means Charmaine or her mom must had done something bad...? Past life maybe?

Anonymous said...

Pls don't twist and misapply. What's the causes for charmaine and her mummy is unknown and not important for us at all BUT if you still continue to do this, you should know that "what's goes round will come around" for you. Don't you afraid or should I say you are actually worried that you will reap your fruits from what you have been doing!

Pls stop all that hurting with your words, they did nothing wrong to you and why must you keep doing that?

Anonymous said...

Hey everyone, supposing we are giving support to char n cyn. Why there are people out there giving such comments like comparing kid to kid who needs help???

If you think you are not out here to support char n cyn, please keep your big mouth SHUT N keep it to your damn goodself. Why being such a KPO to compare kid to kid? Why dun u compare yourself and someone who is much more better in other ways than you as well.

Keep ur heart n brain in the fridge n mind your own bloody business, SHUT UP if you are not enouraging char n cyn there. Put yourself in cyn's position, how u feel....

Cyn dun give up, char really needs you. BE STRONG CHAR, GOD BLESS YOU!

CW said...

To Anonymous who posted "This is cancer"

Yes, you are right, IT IS CANCER!

BUT if given a chance, even a small little chance, why shdn't the little girl give it a try? If she never try, how would she know what the outcome will be? Doesn't matter whether the outcome is positive or negative, little char and her family will live with NO REGRETS as they have given their best shot!

I think words of encouragement would be much appreciated in this blog rather than negative comments.

As for the comment of "Money aside, think about quality or quantity of life". At the age of 4, what is there to say about quality and quantity of life when their life has only just begun?

Cyn and the family members, follow your heart & take care!

CW
(whose dad passed away of cancer)

Anonymous said...

It is not as if there is no treatment available in Singapore. There is. But for the mere incremental survival chance, must it be half a million dollars to go to New York?

Is there that little faith in our cancer team in singapore?

lazybear said...

Dear Cynthia, Jolene & Charlene,

I'm glad that you are still strong and moving ahead despite some negative posts in this forum. Please continue the fight. Nothing is impossible yet. Prove the detractors wrong. I have been through chemotherapy and radiotherapy and i'm still typing here. The detractors are either failures in their own life or newbies to this world.

lazybear

Anonymous said...

Time is crucial , in arresting the cancer that has progress and prevent it from metastasizing further and spreading it to other parts of the body . YES TO THE DETRACTORS: who probably doesnt know much about cancer metastasize is something new their vocabulary . Many are not aware , that cancer is not like common flu, that u are cured and then that's it . When chemo kills or oblierate cancer cells form body , some cancers cells may be " in hiding" and not removed. After which if cancer comes back , it comes back with a vengeance and harder to beat than before. There's probably one of the reasons the window period for char to recieve 3f8 is best after they remove the tumour and after teh chemo removed most of the cancers .

Charmaine 's life and anyone else's life , detractors included . is PRICELESS . Is $$$ really so important to u , especially that the money is used to save a little gal's life and upped her survival ?? Money with the blessings and well wishers to see char get well . It's not yours, so quit whining about how it should be spent. And as many have reiterate countless times, I m sure they would have choose to stay in sg if the survival rates of treatments were comparable . Why play russian roulette and waste more time if Char gg get higher chances of survival in NY ?

Anonymous said...

take care, take heart, have faith and just believe. Sometimes that is all you need. :)

Pixie said...

Is there that little faith in our cancer team in singapore?
>> These have been addressed to numerous times, and given to be in the donor's shoes, we too would have asked this. Hence, in one of the post, we mentioned that how the WORLD goes to selected places for NB. It is a common yet unresearched area. A sad but real truth. It is only recently (last few years) development of this NB is more regular. Why cant it be in Singapore? We are also thinking hard why they have rejected. Dr Aung has in the first moment, reached out to MSKCC doctor to ask for it. Do you think we enjoy doing al these fund raising or Cyn can go sightseting in NYC?

3F8, ch14.18 etc are just one of the very few treatments TRIAL available for NB children.

For the 350KUSD, we cant say for sure, if this is the upfront amount, or this is the maximum we need to pay. As I mentioned, it is a TRIAL, so doctors in NUH and MSKCC wil go through a PAID email session to discuss on Char current situation. Since MSKCC has seen so many kids before, I guess we have to trust that the 350KUSD was not pluck from the sky. Just like you pay for your medicine fee for $30, you dont go around asking your doctor why cant it be $25 etc.

For everyone, we have tried to ask for installment with the upfront payment. we were rejected by them.

For XinXin, please give her some peace, her family some quiet time. It is not easy to lose someone, what more, taken up to compare. Those who do not know, did not read her blog and pull her website out for comparison, Xin Xin is a HK-er hence she can do it in HK. Next u will ask, whywe cannot go to HK to do it. MSKCC say no. If you want, you can email them and ask again why we cant. (Anyway, we know about XinXin case quite sometime back and have also beenin touch with their family. So, please dont treat us like we dont have the same best friend as you do. google. )

NB world is not that small to say of. We can provide other blogs, all in similar situation like us.

For all that do not wish to help Charmaine, either keep off from the blog, or you can donate to CCF cos there are really alot of other kids tht needs our help. If you feel you have alot of energy, instead of writing it here, go to a blood bank and donate your blood. For it will help that someone that receive it.

Do good, be good, and wish our Charmaine good.

thanks everyone!

CW said...

"It is not as if there is no treatment available in Singapore. There is. But for the mere incremental survival chance, must it be half a million dollars to go to New York?"

I have comment in this. I guess you have different perception in life. Put yourself in their shoe, if your loves one is in this situation, you will go all out and try all means?

As mentioned in my earlier msg, I think words of encouragement would be much appreciated in this blog rather than negative comments.

"Is there that little faith in our cancer team in singapore?"

Faith? I think whether to have faith or not, we leave it up to Cyn, char and the family to decide.

So, please stop on all these negative comments and keep them to yourself as individual has different perception in all things.

Anonymous said...

"As unfortunate and as unpleasant as this sounds, this IS cancer.

Have you considered what's going to happen AFTER her treatment in New York? The follow-up treatments, the tests, the scans? What happens then? Do you go on another round of fund-raising then to CONTINUE treating Charmaine? Will this be a life-long fund-raising feat to keep her alive?"

If it is yes, then so what? There are people in this world who will not hesitate to dump 500k for 4 walls of concrete.

Compare to a human life, do you believe concrete is more important?

What if it is your life?

Anonymous said...

nearly 420k raised...VS.... 1 faithless anonymous negative comment. Can you see who has got more faith? :)
Press on Cyn! looking at the amt raised, there is more faith for Char's recovery!!! Hang in there... may God give you grace n strength to keep going... BIG HUG.

sue

Jessie said...

"There are people in this world who will not hesitate to dump 500k for 4 walls of concrete.

Compare to a human life, do you believe concrete is more important?

What if it is your life?"

Well said! Bravo! Thumbs up!

Cyn Mummy, don't lose heart, press on with determined little Char!

...my soul speaks said...

'There is always a trail of footprints behind every step we take, because God is always there to walk with us.'

...my soul speaks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
- said...

Ignore those negative comments.. Most probably posted by people who don't have any kids, have no love and are unloved.

Who most probably feel better by putting others down.

duh.

Anonymous said...

if you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem. Where else can one be?

rachel said...

I couldnt help weeping everytime I visit this place. Pain, suffering, courage and the good/ ugly side of human nature. Its all in this place... Could we all show the good side of human nature, give Cynthia and family more courage to fight the war, so little Charmaine will recover from all pain and suffering?

Dear Cynthia, we are not far from the initial payment but I do believe you will need much more than 500k. Dont worry about the money. Internet is such a powerful tool, many people are trying to spread the news, so trust me, more help is coming. Please be strong. Our prayers will be heard. Charmaine will recover. Take care.

 
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